Dear Oscar Mayer Packaging Dept.

For over 120 years people have been enjoying delicious foods from your wide selection of luncheon meats and cheeses. In the past 21 years I have enjoyed my fair share of Mayer filled sandwiches. I do however have a complaint.
Many companies have expanded and hired employees to better their products. No more do people have to suffer the painful agony of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome after banging their wrist on the bottom of the glass ketchup bottle. The squeezable bottle… Genius.

Simple, but genius.

You, however, have frustrated countless children, women, and men by packing your bologna in the tightest fucking plastic package possible. If I wanted to get processed, shaped, smelly meats in my fingernails I would do it on my own. In order to get my bologna out and on the bread, I am forced to crumple the package from the bottom and drive it up like some sort of wide meaty push-up. This leaves my package flawed and slightly open in the meat drawer leaving the contents susceptible to any number of bacteria floating off the rotting fruit and lettuce below.

My plea to you, “Please reconsider your current packaging… Please.”

Sincerely, Dan