She is Pissed

I’m not really sure why I’m writing this, maybe I’m still in shock of what happened yesterday, maybe I just think it needs to be told. Either way, it doesn’t really matter.

Last night I went out with a couple of my friends to the bar. Finals are coming up so I decided not to drink that much. After a couple hours of fighting over which Scrubs episode is the best, I went over to my girlfriend’s apartment just after midnight.

She sat in her bedroom wearing pajamas, while writing an e-mail to her mom. After a couple of minutes, she got up and ran downstairs. I took the opportunity to check my e-mail. I realized that she was in the bathroom because I could hear the sink turn on for a second.

When I was done replying to an e-mail from my Dad, I ran downstairs, came up behind my girlfriend, kissed her on the neck, and told her that I really needed to pee.

“Go ahead,” she said smiling.

“Ok. Turn around.” I said. I had never done that before in front of her. I was nervous.

I pulled down my pants and awkwardly started forcing out the first few droplets. Luckily, as time went on, the golden stream grew in strength.

However, after about three seconds, my back unexpectedly began to tense, then the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up; and finally, a body tensing pee-shiver shocked my entire body.

Without any control, I started flinging pee all over her bathroom. My girlfriend’s pink slippers, the side of the cabinet, most of the magazines, all were now glazed with my pungent urine. At first, she didn’t turn around, but after hearing the varying sounds, she decided she had to investigate. Unfortunately, my tank was only half empty.

I continued to pee while she stared at the destruction I had caused. I tried moving the white floor mat out of the way of the pee river with my toes, but I was a few seconds too late. She must have been in shock because she didn’t flinch once. All I can really remember was that her eyes got really, really big.

Finally, after what felt like hours, I stopped peeing, dribbling a few more drops on the seat while I shook my penis clean. I immediately told her I was so, so sorry, and that I would wash everything and buy her new magazines and slippers. I went up to hug her, but she didn’t hug me back. She was crying. We were crying.