'Twas the Week Before Finals

‘Twas the week before finals, and all through the town,
rnNot a student was sleeping, we’re all quite run down;
rnThe reading materials left ‘til the end,
rnMake Sparknotes and Google a student’s best friend;
rnProcrastinators who lost time by the hours,
rnMust now reach for caffeine to gain superpowers;rn

rnForced by life’s lemons to make lemonade,
rnThey pour over textbooks to get a good grade.
rnEvery day we work hard just to be at our best,
rnWhile pulling all-nighters and getting no rest;
rnWe rise with the sun, but in spite of our toil,
rnAre often still left to burn the midnight oil;rn

rnBut more so than finals, our Achilles’ heel
rnIs really the palpable stress that we feel.
rnThere’s pressure from parents and some from within
rnAnd nothing to do but take it on the chin;
rnSo we bite fingernails and we smoke cigarettes,
rnDrinking liquor and beer to erase our regrets;rn

rnEach morning pumping coffee into our veins,
rnSince ‘the best part of waking up’ jump-starts our brains;
rnThe life of a scholar, lamentable fate,
rnComes with migraines, depression, and increased heart rate.
rnCompeting with peers for a spot on the curve,
rnAnd never quite getting the grade we deserve;rn

rnThen after four years when we get our degree,
rnWe still have to pay off our admission fee;
rnAs student loans clasp ‘round our neck like a collar,
rnWe’ll wish that some value remained in the dollar;
rnSince currency rests at a frightening low,
rnIt’s hopeless to pay back the money we owe. rn

rnEven if we find work, we may still get pink slips,
rnSo it’s likely we’ll have to bus tables for tips;
rnOr if our career options really fall flat,
rnWe may have to ask, ‘would you like fries with that?’
rnSo we study for finals with morale destroyed,
rnIn hopes that we won’t graduate unemployed;rn

rnWe try to stay upbeat, to just crack a smile,
rnAnd believe in our hearts it will all be worthwhile;
rnBut nobody smiles on the cold march to class,
rnAny pessimist knows it’s a half-empty glass;
rnEach day, snowy tempests freeze tears on our cheek,
rnSo the icy weather is not for the meek;rn

rnIf we crank up the heat, then we can’t pay the rent;
rnTruly now is the winter of our discontent.
rnWith so much to do, getting ill is forbidden,
rnFor if we get sick we will soon be bedridden;
rnTo keep in good health, we take cocktails of drugs,
rnDismissing good tidings with sedate ‘humbugs;‘rn

rnNot as Ebenezer in this Christmas work,
rnBut the pathetic role of his pitiful clerk;
rnLike Cratchit we slave on both day and night shifts,
rnWhile keeping in mind all our holiday gifts;
rnDreaming of stockings, each hung up with care,
rnShould successfully suppress forthcoming despair;rn

rnAnd sugarplum visions that dance in our head,
rnWill hopefully stave off the impending dread.
rnCollege finals are nigh, but we must not succumb,
rnAs we faithfully wait upon Christmas to come;
rnOnce we defeat scantrons and conquer malaise,
rnWe’ll sit and do precisely nothing for days;rn

rnThe schedule’s wide open when school is adjourned,
rnSo we let our brains rot and forget all we’ve learned;
rnFor sloth is a hardworking student’s reward,
rnAnd maybe just a dash of lust if they’re bored.
rnCelebrating time with our family and friends,
rnWith peace upon earth and goodwill toward men;rn

rnWe savor the break that is long overdue,
rnIgnoring how it will soon begin anew;
rnThe work of a scholar is never quite done,
rnSo cherish the time you have with your loved ones;
rnJust one final note before my sleepless night,
rnHappy finals to all, and good luck with your plight!rn

rn rn