Hi. I'm every overweight receptionist on the highway ever.

Hi. You may know me, as you probably see me on the highway all the time. Be it 97, 695, or even 98 comin’ around Philly, you will probably spot me going 50 in the fast lane. I love to hang a lei in the mirror so that passersby will think I’m a young hot girl – only to be sorely disappointed. What’s this? A slight bend in the highway? Better slightly tap my breaks for the next 45 minutes; wouldn’t want to be going too fast around a .03 degree turn. That could be dangerous.. Nevermind the hundreds of cars that have to slam on their breaks in response to my slight tapping – if I slow them down, it will save their lives. Who cares if they have to be at work and are running on a very tight time budget; I’ll just keep driving 53 mph in the fast lane to help conquer the demons that make them want to go fast. Speaking of demons, have I mentioned that I’m really into Jesus? You probably figured that out by now, though, since I have about 7 breast cancer and “support our troops” ribbons, turned sideways so that they look like the christian fish symbol. I love America too. That’s partly the reason why I drive at such a safe speed on the beltway – I’m too busy jammin’ to John Cougar and Aerosmith while I smoke my Pall Mall cigarette. Apparently I never have a certain time to be at work, since I am always taking my time getting there. Please be patient, especially if I cause a 5 car pile up since I swerved while digging my Ace of Base cassette out of the console. That 3 hour traffic ordeal that you had to sit through the other day? That was me. But don’t worry, I’m ok – survived unscathed. As of now I’m just puttering along, heading to a job that seems to have no specific hours. My favorite time of the day? As I’m walking to my shiny Ford Focus I get to glance at the beautiful blue and yellow Pennsylvania license plate on the car…