It's been far too long since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds here!
James Carter, University of Minnesota
I went to a Jewish law school, and every October we had crazy days off for Jewish holidays. One year we lucked out with 3 consecutive weeks off, so a bunch of us decided to take a cruise. One of the guys who decided to invite himself along was just a straight-up douchebag
one of those people who argues just for the sake of arguing, is always trying to prove someone wrong, just an arrogant son of a bitch. He wasn't really anyone's friend, and by day 3 of the 7-day cruise, everyone (and not just the law school ppl) was fed up with him. A bunch of us were sitting around that night and someone made a comment that they wished this a-hole would get lost on the island tomorrow and not make it back to the ship. We all sort of looked at each other and had an "aha!" moment. Every night, the ship staff slipped itinerary under our doors about the next day's location: weather, things to see, and most importantly, when the ship was leaving port. And we all know that if you miss the boat, you're shit outta luck and have to find your own way to the next port of call. So the plan was casually work the wrong departure time into the conversation the next morning and keep repeating it. As everyone showed up to breakfast one by one, we made a point of saying that the time changed from 5:00 to 6:00. Knowing he was sunburned and couldn't stay out in the sun, we told him we were spending the day at the beach. He came with us, but after 3 hours of watching us swim and play volleyball, he headed back into town. We reminded him to be back by 6 and let him go on his merry way. Long story short, he had to pay his own way from the British Virgin Islands to Antigua and meet the ship there the next day. When he asked how we all made it back on time, we told him we got bored at the beach and went back early and just assumed we'd see him later. He never mentioned it, but we all think he found out that we messed with him, but was too arrogant to call us on it for fear of being wrong. Douchebag.
Dorian F, A Jewish Law School
Fortunately for me, I never had a roommate that I disagreed with. However, I did have a dorm mate on the floor above me who was the biggest bitch ever (and still is to this day). Somehow, she managed to convince all of my closest friends (there were three really close friends my freshman year that I hung out with) that I was talking shit on them all the time and overall, screwing them over behind their backs, when in fact, she was doing it. Anyway, after a month or so of being pissed, I decided to get even
and not just once. A majority of the time, a few friends of mine and I would go to construction sites and steal big orange traffic cones. We would then put it in her front yard in the middle of the night (she lived with her mom). Harmless, right? Except for the one time we found a warehouse that, coincidentally, made traffic cones. We proceeded to steal more than 80 cones. On our way to her and her mom's house, we ran into a dead possum (maybe 2 or three days old) in the middle of the road. Never the one to give up an opportunity when it presents itself, we managed to pry it up off the road, and transport it to her house and front doorstep. I don't know how she felt when she (or her mother) found a dead possum on her doorstep and more than 80 traffic cones on her lawn, but I do know that for a few years after, she would run in the opposite direction whenever she saw me. I may look and be really nice to you, but I can be a bitch too, if you warrant it.
Megan Annonymous, Kansas State
Hey Shane, I shaved my pubes with your nose hair trimmer, put milk in your gas tank and ate the last rice Krispie treat under your bed. I hope you marry that whore of my now ex girlfriend and be miserable together because we all know neither of you are good for anything except while laying down. Sometimes, not even then.
Kenneth Yumurtaci, Syracuse
I was living with my boyfriend when he decided to get another job to help with rent and school. We were taking one class together and he bought the book to share. After a month or so of working there he started to make a lot of money and distance himself from me. I did all the school work, paid for everything in the house foodwise, cooked, cleaned. Basically his mother. He was making so much money he decided to buy a brand new BMW
and break up with me the same day. I found out a week later he was sleeping with some girl from his work..who also just happened to buy a brand new G35. My, now ex, sells weed. I took the liberty to call his work and tell them that they both were selling weed to people at their work. They both got fired and aren't able to pay for their cars. I went onto his campus account and changed his information so he hasn't been able to log on and do the homework. The password to his bank account mysteriously got changed too so he hasn't been able to pay for his car. He's going to fail and he's on academic probation and will most likely get kicked out.
Oh and when I found out about him sleeping with the other girl I did a nice key from the front bumper to the back. And when I saw her car one day outside of the apartment complex, I keyed slut on the driver door. That should teach you not to fuck with me ever again. Wishing you two the best!
Kristen, School Not Given