Hello lads and lasses, congratulations, our favorite time of the year is upon us once again. That's right, time to watch others put on a facade and petition around to the masses in the search of that one illusive goal… free candy. Oh wait! We're talking about the election? See, I should have realized that, what with the hordes of students walking around campus repetitiously asking if we are registered to vote to the point where you interrupt them with an affirmative, "sure have", as a means just to pass and avoid another lackluster conversation. How many different ways can they instruct us on how to vote? I mean, there's how to vote from home, how to vote using an absentee ballot, how to vote as a college student here in Blacksburg, how to vote from the back of a giant Tyrannosaurus.

     About a million years ago, a legislative branch known loosely as ˜our government' decided it would be a splendid idea to give college students the right, nay, the privilege, nay, the pleasure, to vote for our avowed leader. They soon discovered the combination of pot smoke, jagerbombs, sexual endeavors, and a dash of up and becoming narcissism was a lucrative one indeed. I guess my problem is trying to see how others can make voting out to be so appealing. Honestly now, while I vote are the ballots going to come alive and begin singing School House Rock songs; doubt it. Do you know how many mushrooms you would have to eat before something like that will happen? Six.

     Well, I sought out the architectural students here at Tech, who in their own right all suffer from a mild case of egotism, in hopes of my first reputable proposal. I was informed, "Voting today offers an appealing holiday from our ˜namby pamby' civilized selves, which what with most of us unwittingly living in an emasculated conformist nightmare world, its nice to have if only to stave off suicide for another few hours by turning on CNN and listening to the candidates ramble for another mundane hour." If you needed to read that sentence a second time don't worry, so did I. However, this led to a good point. Students can't familiarize themselves with our current candidates. They are not our peers, rather they are our father's, or in McCain's case our grandfather's age. Moving on, let's return to our tissue thin veneer of consumer advice and talk about methods of getting you to vote. I can sit here and give y'all a list of worn-out, mind numbing, suggestions ranging from informational parties to handing out flyers and even establishing political centers here on campus. We all know you would just walk right past the pretty girl with the clipboard, or quickly dispose of that handy dandy flyer she just handed out with a smile, one which makes you think of asking for her number, but then nerves and the flop sweat kick in and you swiftly scurry off back to your Halo 3 and Red Bull all in the sanctum of your dorm.
   
     That's just it! Students spend a majority of their time here at college either in class, in a dinning hall, or residing in their dorm rooms. So let us discuss how best to infiltrate these locales. Breakthrough studies confirm alleged reports that college students live off their computers, who knew? If anyone has seen this ˜5 Friends Vote' clip online, and I'm sure you have, this form of communiqué is the embodiment of a great idea. There is no better way to reach collegiate masses than with this quaint, edifying, but most importantly, convicting message, and lasting a mere five minutes, just short of the six-minute ADD attention span we all seem to posses in our multimedia filled state of ecstasy. I feel our bureaucratic fatheads are beginning to realize that there is an untapped resource in our society; know loosely as the college demographic, that is, the future bureaucratic fatheads if you will.

     So the point I'm trying laboriously to get to; what could be the driving force to get outside and vote? If our government really wanted our votes, they should hold two events across the nation, a Chris Brown concert and a Carmen Electra striptease, placing a booth at the entrance of both and requiring our vote for admission, but something tells me you are looking for more practical applications, so just keep that one in your back pocket. As for a realistic idea, I'm sure this brainchild will certainly trick your trigger. See all us adolescents today need to continually ask, "What's in it for me?" I propose universities across the nation begin an optional class that students can take once during their college stay. The class will include presentations on the candidates, class discussions, lectures on the political parties views and opinions, and debates from local house representatives. This will not only give students a chance to personally interact but also get a little, somethin somethin, out of the whole deal. The class will only be held once every four years during that year's fall semester, meeting twice a week for an hour at a time. Via attending every class and by registering and successfully voting, that student will receive two college credits.

     It's funny how things stop being funny, the longer you live with them.  Everyone in Britain stops snickering at the name Spotted Dick by the time they turn twelve. I've almost completely forgotten that Nintendo named a console after a bodily fluid, and it's funny now how we can hear the word politician and not think of someone who can successfully talk for hours and never actually say anything. More than ever, our presidential candidates are vocalizing their message. All we have to do is listen and come November 4th, simply cast your vote, not for me, not for your pastor, your mother, even your country, but rather simply for your own well being.