This isn't just for all you meat-eaters out there.  If you're a vegetarian or a vegan, listen the fuck up, because you're helping to kill the planet.

As you all know, vegetarians do not eat meat.  Vegans don't touch anything that came from an animal (this includes milk and eggs).  In addition to this being an idiotic choice of lifestyle (I'd rather be bi), it is also harmful to Mother Earth.  Here's why:

Vegetarians and vegans (hereafter referred to as "vegs") avoid consuming animal products, and instead concentrate on eating quantities of plant life.  What is the Number One Reason We Like Plants?  Because through the wonderful process of photosynthesis, they excrete a waste product that we call "oxygen."  Do you see where I'm going with this?  Vegs eat the very things that give us one of the three things we need most to survive.  Oxygen also promotes creativity, positivity, and imagination in the human brain.  This is why so many teachers and professors have several plants in their homes/offices.  Maybe vegs think that by eating plants, they'll absorb more oxygen by digesting them, but this is not so.  There's no sunshine in humans' bellies.

Now, on to my next point.  The rest of us (meat-eaters) are actually helping the planet when we eat meat.  Of course, we still eat plants because that's part of a balanced, nutritious diet, but we eat way more meat than we do plants.  What is the Number One Meat That We Eat?  Beef.  Beef comes from cows.  What do cows eat?  Plants!  Cows eat plants, but they are not vegs, because a cow's digestive system is only built to handle plants.  By eating the meat of plant-eating animals, we are helping to reduce the consumption of plants.  By doing this we are also helping to cut back on methane emissions from the cows, which is great for cooking the delicious bastards, but methane does its part to widen the hole in the ozone layer.  So by refusing to eat meat, vegs are dooming the planet.

We as citizens of Planet Earth need to stand up against the eco-terror of the vegs and do something about them.  In fact, there are cultures in the world who have been doing this for centuries, and some still do.  Cannibals are way ahead of the game here—they don't eat people because they taste good, they eat people because they found out they were vegs.  This angered the cannibals because as people who have to live off the land, they knew that vegs would only eat all their crops, leaving nothing for the livestock.  So they ate the vegs.  This is why tropical areas have such nice air.