3 Alternative Time Wasters for Christmas Break

(Note: All are tried and true.)

Start a political argument with the relative that holds the strongest beliefs: Every family has that one uncle/aunt that is absolutely entrenched in his/her beliefs, and argues blindly for his/her points without even considering opposing arguments. This is the relative that will change you from being bored into fearing for your life, which is a good way to pass the time. Start out with a small little poke to get them started and then just build their anger from there. Say for example Uncle Randy is in town from Detroit. Just make a little comment such as “it’s a shame the government decided to bailout those doomed U.S. automakers” and watch the fun begin. Uncle Randy will then launch into a tirade about how the automakers are a pillar of the economy and their collapse could launch us into a second Great Depression, and you get hours of entertainment from telling someone exactly what they don’t want to hear.

Learn how to moonwalk: Ever since I saw the “How to Moonwalk” video on CollegeHumor, I was convinced that someone even as uncoordinated and terrible at dancing as me could learn how to moonwalk. After 5 minutes of what can only be described as abject failure, I decided to put moonwalking in the long-term to-do file. Well, I was looking through that file a few days ago and decided to give it another try, and what do you know I learned how to moonwalk flawlessly with just a few hours of practice. It will now serve as an invaluable tool for me to use at unexpected on-the-spot dancing situations that arise at various parties, weddings, and certain liberal funerals. It also provided the added benefit of giving me the opportunity to plan how to break into my old high school’s prom to show it off, taking up a couple more of the long Christmas Break hours. Long story short, learn how to moonwalk.

Count the Christmas ornaments: When no one is around, count the number of Christmas ornaments on the Christmas tree. When people gather in the room on Christmas and finish up opening presents, suggest a game where people get to guess how many ornaments are on the Christmas tree, offering some sort of incentive or prize for the winner, such as each of the kids puts in some candy and the winner gets to take it all. When you win, your prize will obviously be contested, but tell your younger cousins that you have magical counting powers and can count anything in 5 seconds. You should count other obvious things in the room that they might quiz you on beforehand, and thus when they challenge you, you can amaze them and also justify your claim to the prize.