How to Call A Girl A Whore...and Get Away with It.

I am sure we can all think of situations where you want to call out the promiscuity of a young lady in order to cover up your own securities, like when she ignores you and throws herself at your roommate..or something. But for those of you that lack the social grace to do this without getting cosmos thrown at you, I am here to help. Lets look at some phrases you should learn to express yourself without her even knowing:

1. “Oh you Jezebel you” This is the classic “you are a whore” phrase but it sounds so cute that girls will usually just smile and you can go on secretly liking them while they dance with your roommate. Thanks to the combination of Disney princesses names: Jasmine and Belle, girls are genetically wired to associate this word with cuteness and privilege. Also sandwiching any word between “oh you……. you”, is a classic tactic for sneaking an insult pass the guard of your target.

2. “You are are a regular Harlot..aren’t you” Now this is actuallya really mean thing to say and can be useful when the girl you like is flirting with your roommate (even though he has 2 girlfriends). There is something old English and refined about it. I’ve even seen girls curtsy after this vicious insult.

3. “You are a common strumpet” Again this literally means “You are a hooker of the foulest kind” but girls will often say “thank you” after this phrase. And why not? It sounds delicious! Girls heads are filled with the sweet smell of strawberries and tea parties after this one, and you will be able to relieve the boundless jealousy in your heart when she sits on yourroommate’s lap at the bar.

4. “My lady courtesan” It is important to make a proper and fancy circle with your hand when you say it to the girl, this will make it look refined and complimentary. A good time to do it is when she pulls you aside to talk smack on your roommate’s girlfriend.

5.“Goodnight You silly Trollop!” You are literally saying “You are a foolish girl who engages in sex for money”. But she won’t hear that. Most girls think this has something to do with fairies. They will usually laugh and than make out with your roommate but thanks to your nice sounding insults, you will walk away vindicated. Alone, bitter and vindicated.