1 – Eat an obscene amount of cured meats
2 – Get so wasted (and angry) that I look at the beer in my hand, scream "I am so ridiculously infuriated that I cannot conceive finishing this frothy, delicious beverage", and hurl said beverage violently to the ground
3 – Carry on a 30 minute conversation using nothing but rap slang
4 – Befriend Gary Busey

5 – Start a collection of Jesus statues
6 – Finish my memoir – Lauren: An Erotic Life
7 – Choke to death
8 – Loudly sing "When I Think About You, I Touch Myself" in the grocery store and alienate my fellow shoppers at every opportunity I get
9 – Stop eating things that aren't meant to be eaten (ie – candle wax, lint, trident gum wrappers…)
10 – Send awkwardly worded emails to potential employers/family members/ex-boyfriends at 4am
11 – Learn what people mean when they say "Lauren, don't take off your pants again"
12 – Find the hamster I lost in the 4th grade

13 – Knit a pair of boxer briefs out of wool

Bonus 14 – Stop procrastinating & post things on time