Conversations With My 92' Volvo

Me: Hey buddy, ya ready to go for a little drive?

The Volve: We’ll see…

Me: What do you mean we’ll see? I need to get to the packy before it closes.

The Volve: I meant we’ll see... I don’t know if I feel like going anywhere right now, it’s cold and I’ve only got a half a tank in me.

Me: Well, I really don’t think that this is up to you, but how about I let you warm up for a couple of minutes? And maybe I will even bring you to get some gas on our way home?

The Volve: You can try and let me warm up, but I’m warning you, I’m gonna screech like a banshee for the majority of the ride.

Me: What? Why would you do something like that?

The Volve: HEY! You know I need new belts. You’ve been neglecting me for months, you haven’t even driven me since the summer!

Me: You know I’ve been at school dude. Why don’t we go for a drive and catch up a little? Listen to some DMB, like old times. What do ya say?

The Volve: Fine, that does sound pretty nice. Lets go!

Me: That’s more like it!

As we pull out of the drive way The Volve begins screeching wildly, while simultaneously sputtering and backfiring.

Me: Alright old friend, this is ok, We can just turn up the DMB and get through this together.

The Volve: Oh yea, The C.D. player is broken.

Me: Good God I hate you.