Predictions I would love to see happen in 2009.

It’s a new year with endless possibilities. My luck has never been the best but I am hoping, praying that all is going to change this year. Here is a list of 12 simple things in a monthly order that would make up for such terrible luck in 2008.

January: Capital One, Sally Mae, and AdultFriendFinder.com go under, thus erasing my current debt of $60,000 and countless nights of crying myself to sleep.

February: My currently totaled purple 2002 Kia Sophia turns out to be Optimus Prime’s gay cousin repairing itself and ordering full coverage.

March: My ex decides to lift the restraining order allowing me to eat at Damon’s again… on a daily basis. (Baby if you are reading this you will be mine again.)

April: My mother remembers my birthday.

May: Friends of mine are nice enough to take the pictures of me off Facebook in which they are tea-bagging me. (Or at least stop tagging me in them everyday. Please?)

June: This weird rash goes away.

July: These Extendz pills start working.

August: My room mates decide to clean, cook, pay rent, and stop calling me by the nicknames no-puss, faggot, and failure.

September: I finally move out of my parents house.

October: My ex takes me back (and this time she is aware we are dating).

November: I am re-embersed for suffering toxic-shock-syndrome from constantly using Shamwows.

December: The kidnapping charge is dropped after a misunderstanding involving taking my ex on vacation.

2009 is definitely going to be my year. I can feel it.