A Call for World Peace

Dear World Leaders,
Can we please just all calm down here a little bit? Israel, you and the Palestinians got to work this shit out man, you are killing each other over the smallest areas of “holy land”.Word is that most of you are down to just make two seperate states, so everyone stop being so hard headed and get the deal done. If you really can’t work it out we’ll give the Israelis a little bit of New York, fair? . As for Hamas, buddy, enough with the rockets already. You can’t just constantly blow up civilians and then expect the world to be shell shocked (no pun intended) when their government retaliates. Whatever happened to “though shall not covet that which belongs to thy neighbor” …or is that just a Jesus thing?

France, look we are sorry about the whole freedom fries thing and calling you sissy’s…but we figured that you would at least back us up on the whole weapons of mass destruction thing, whatever happened to the old you scratch my back i scratch yours deal we had going…were thankful for the statue of liberty and whole helping us win a country thing back in the day, we were just a little hurt that you forgot the whole Normandy invasion so quickly..you know we came in huge there, and deep down, you know Sadamn hid those WMD’s somewhere..we will be vindicated, so lets just call it even, empire to (former) empire, truce?

Iran honestly just knock it off man, enough with the destroy Israel mentality, and look, we know you’re giving money to people that are giving money to people to kill our people..and thats not cool. stop trying to build the nukes too..you are spending all that money and were just gonna end up destroying them anyways..no offense. we already got the plans, and we arent even keeping that shit a secret. i understand that you like your current loud mouth, cocky, take on the world president, and i understand why, The Rock was my favorite wrestler growing up too, but i would never want the man running a country..

Terrorist organizations, if you are reading this, seriously, please will you just get over it…where in the hell does it say to spend your whole lives just plotting out ways to kill innocent people? you guys just need to grow up, are you that frustrated with your life and envious of ours that you just gotta go and blow yourself up? and look, life for americans isnt even that great, yaa who am i kidding, its sweet..but that is not our fault, and you’d be doing the same shit too if you were born here dude, suuure you got 80 virgins waiting for you on the other side, but is it even guaranteed that those are all females? think about it.. so can we just put an end to all this? you know obama is gonna be pulling out the troops here soon, so just give us osama bin laden when we leave, we’ll give you each 20 bucks and a donkey and just go on with our lives..

North Korea, we surely haven’t forgot about you. You are a little sneakier than all the others though. How about we just stop with the military checkers and just relax a little bit? Sorry about that war but that was like soo 50 years ago. To be honest, I kinda like you, or at least am interested in you. You’re like the slightly attractive yet remarkably interesting goth chick in my history class. Yaa now that I think about it like that, maybe it is best if we just stay on opposite sides of the class while I just stare at you.

Russia what the fuck dude? we had a good little streak of non cold war type shit going on and you gotta go invade Georgia. You have a big country as it is, is it that crowded in there, look at the chinese, they arent trying to take over neighboring countries (knock on wood). As far as the missile defense shield we want to put up in Poland, straight up, we gotta have that shit man. Not just because of you, but because of how screwed up the world is right now, and yaa we say its because of Iran, but seriously, yaa we want it in case you do something stupid someday. Don’t view it as a threat, its just a shield, think of it as a second chance. Don’t blame Poland for it either, it was our idea, and in my opinion they have every right to hate you guys so you should just knock it off with all that. You hang out with Venezuela and practice military operations, yet you don’t think we should be nervous. Speaking of which, why does Hugo Chavez have such a damn problem with us? Hes been being a whiny little bitch lately, we buy his oil, what more does he want…the venezuelan karaoke dj at my local hot spot even says he needs to shuto la fukupo

For all the of those filled with hate…its gonna be ok. There is no need to start wars or genocide. Why do you want to start killing people? Life is too short man, I am calling on all of you now to put down the tough guy act. If we can all come together as one, and state proudly “we will mind our own fucking business” then life will be a much more joyous ride.

Also, I read somewhere that there will be 12 billion people in the world in 25 years…soo how about we also try to cut back on the amount of babies being conceived, its hard enough getting a job as it is.