A Guide To Deleting Your Facebook Account

In the past month, I’ve encountered 3 friends (all who are female) who have decided to delete their Facebook accounts because they’re a waste of time. Here’s what they’ve done:

1. Girl 1 – Made a big production about it. Her status for a solid month was something along the lines of “deleting my fbook because it is sooo a waste of time” or “deleting this cuz it’s annoying to check”. After the month of annoying statuses, she made a Facebook event commemorating her departure from Facebook. What!?
2. Girl 2 – No annoying statuses, but she did make an event for her departure. This event contained all contact information she ever had. She supplied all of her friends with 8 ways to contact her. She even gave us her latitude and longitude in case we wanted to send her smoke signals. I used the coordinates to flip the bird in her general direction.
   
3. Girl 3 – Deleted her Facebook account.

Which girl made the best decision in this situation?

GIRL 3!

Guess what people? We don’t care if you’re deleting your Facebook account! No one cares! Stop using your departure as a final push of internet whoring! Here’s how the world needs to react to a pending Facebook deletion:

• Deleter – (also known as “the one who is deleting”) Like an old person dying of age, just die off peacefully. Delete your account and notify your close friends. If necessary, buy a small place in the newspaper for an obituary for your account.
• Everyone else – If anyone you know is contemplating deleting their Facebook account, DO NOT REACT. I REPEAT: COMPLETELY IGNORE THEIR CRIES FOR ATTENTION. If you were about to say to your friend, “OMG, suz, you CANNOT delete your fbook! OMGZ!” – this is exactly what they want to happen. They want everyone to tell them that they can’t delete their Facebook. Do not give them that pleasure.

I wrote this because I’m an angry person and I like to complain about dumb people. The thing that put me over the edge was the fact that Girl #1 has reactivated her Facebook account. Girl #1, don’t you know why people hate Brett Favre!? Don’t you know that MJ tarnished his career by playing for the Wizards!? Come on man!