Your Politically Active Friend

“Did you know that that school hoodie was made by laborers so young they’re still in the womb? The kids here have really opened my eyes to the evils of capitalism. I can’t wait for graduation when I can live on a commune and tend to my own hemp fields, just living in harmony with my fellow man and shit. Oh yeah, you like my new iPod? I got it in red to symbolize my allegiance with the proletariat.”

“Can I crash at your place for a while? My roommate’s totally oppressing me. I can’t wait for graduation when I can just squat in some warehouse. Anyway, we’re all planning this sweet radical action Saturday. The administration ignored our petition to abolish all meal plans so we’re going to storm the dining hall and just throw spaghetti everywhere and take back the public space. I already made a playlist for it on an iPod I picked up. No, it’s not stolen; it’s liberated.”

“Hey, how’s it going? I just finished re-reading The Fountainhead. You haven’t read it?! Completely changed my life. Man, I can’t wait for graduation when I can work my way up Wall St. …Your iPod broke? Gee, I’d offer to lend you mine but, you know, protection of personal property is such a fundamental keystone of our society’s productivity. People deserve to hold onto what they work for, and my dad worked really hard for the money to buy me that iPod, so.”

“Let’s get drunk!”