Work

The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die
-Edward Kennedy

Is it worth it, let me work it
 -Missy Elliot

$8.50/hr? I’ll take it.
-You

Unless you are rich or disabled, you are going to have spend much of your life working. You will have to get a job; or a yob if you’re Spanish, or construction if you’re Portuguese. Enjoy the cushiony college bubble you live in now, because the real world is full of long boring hours, lame parties and expensive rent. It is also intolerant of slander such as the disabled comment made earlier. However, everyone agrees: rich people suck.

Upon graduating college not everyone will get the same work opportunities. In fact, some people will be so disgusted at how little they’re worth and will opt to avoid responsibility entirely. If you are under 16 you’re a runaway, over 16 it is called travelling. Travelling is an excellent way to get out of a long term relationship as well as make your friends jealous. However, for the rest of us, the only destination on our itinerary is a one way ticket to the grindstone. The following is a dissertation about the workplace.

Ninety Fivers
These people have a 9-5 job, or an 8:30-4:30 to avoid traffic or a gym membership to avoid the dead end so characteristic of their life. A once motivated graduate who sells out faster than a U2 concert climbs the corporate latter of monotony. They will soon realize that no one in this world is impressed with their extracurricular activities or GPA. The overachiever is humbled at the grim reality that being motivated once required long hours learning in a library and now requires two hours sitting in traffic, awakening at 6:30am and spending much of the day talking about coworkers’ failed marriages. The transference of motivation soon changes to mass consumerism, suburbia and relationships that become as drawn out as the hours that buffer lunch and home time every Monday to Friday. They will also inject infatuation towards any person of the opposite sex in their workplace so to bring their boring life a morsel of arousal. They will also eat muesli. Dancing with the Stars viewing party tonight? Don’t forget to bring the dip. !

Shiftees
Usually in the service sector, shiftees are the most stressed out. A non stable pay check, inordinate hours and a work environment with few people that share the same language are all stressors that clog some arteries. Shiftees are on edge all the time but at least have a passion for something better unlike the ninety fiver settlers. The worst part about shift work is the manager or supervisor that expects you to care about anything for $7/hr. The best part about these jobs is the fear it instils in you to keep striving for a meaningful career in order to avoid a life of pay check to pay check to another bank loan. Actually, the best part of shift work is the 15 minute breaks they legally have to give you. Sweet. Dreamers This includes entrepreneurs, writers, artists and anyone who is unemployed. These people have little conceptual knowledge of how to pay bills or of their own greatness. They spend a lot of time on their image and also consider networking work. They will talk about the “biz” as if they are actually making money or doing something other than drinking. Being detached from reality never looked so good, since these people spend ample amounts of time having parties and making their lives seem glamorous. May I have a martini please? Just put it on my credit card. I“ll pay it off when I’m rich. I’m not delusional, I happen to be in a field that guarantees I will be successful. It’s called being a professional parental unit moocher. Jealous? Why would you be jealous of a loser? Where are you going? Please talk to me.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day.