An English Major Studies for the GRE

Day 1
I bought a study book, so I’ll just dust off the old math portion of my brain and be all set for the big test in two weeks.

(Five minutes later) I can’t find where it says whether I can use a graphing calculator or a regular calculator.

(One minute later) Oh my god. Are we… are we not allowed to use any sort of calculator? I don’t think I can go to graduate school.

Day 2
Long division? What is this, a test for third graders? This chapter should be a breeze!

(20 minutes later) Why isn’t my solution one of the answer choices? I’ve checked my work three times. God, this practice test has so many typos.

Day 3
I don’t think I’ve ever even heard of the expression, “square root.” Plant bio was my lab science credit, so if it were real, I think I would have heard of it. Oh… wait, never mind. There’s already some kind of check mark on this problem. I guess I do know square roots. Awesome, I can move on.

Day 4
The “mean” and the “average” is the same thing? How is that helpful to anyone? And for that matter, what the hell is the “mode?”

(Five minutes later) I hope I get lots of questions asking me to find the mode.

Day 5
So, all of a sudden, ratios and fractions aren’t the same thing? We just write them the exact same way? Is this a joke? Did I buy some sort of prank book?

Day 6
How can there be an “equation of a line”?!  What the fuck could that possibly mean?!

Day 7
Well, at least I’m gonna do great at the verbal section.

(Two minutes later) Oh.

(One minute later) I’m gonna just check the Craiglist job postings for awhile.