This weekend, starting right now, then after I get off work, and finish some reading, I will be on a search, a search of grand proportions, a search worthy of an essay expose (insert ` over last e, to really make it New Yorker worthy) in The New Yorker. I will be on a search for a maid, a maid to clean my dirty, dirty, very smelly bedroom, and my half of the bathroom. I'm forced to do this because my roommates refuse to pay for a maid, to clean the sloth and filth that I call home. I told my roommates that we just need to have a maid come to the place every three months, which would only be $200 every three months, so $50 each, every three months, and of course they refused. They refused (and this is justifiably correct) because they claimed that not a single (no pun intended) one of us will be having a girl over to the place, probably never, ever, so there is no point in paying $50 every three months to clean the place up.

1). Since I'm tragically optimistic, I still believe that I will break that "not a single (no pun intended) one of us will be having a girl over to the place." I've lived with the three guys for two years, IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS, and still no one has brought a girl over, and I'm talking just bringing a girl over to hang out, not just to bring back to bed (you sick pervs :)

2). Since I'm wildly, optimistically retarded, and I refuse to see either loneliness, or males (non-gay males, just other single, lonely males, not in a gay way though) as my only sexual relationship options, I'm now on a search to find a maid, or a maid company to clean my one bedroom in a four bedroom apartment, and my half of the bathroom in a shared bathroom.

3). I've contacted three companies and two independent maids, and four out of the five listened to my request, listened to me ask if that was possible, then they were silent for about thirty seconds (that thirty seconds is an average time of the four, no actual calculations took place though), then they hung up. The fifth lady listened to me, heard my request, and said it was a possibility, but she would only do it if it was the whole bathroom, because she would only charge me for the whole bathroom. I thought about the guy I share the bathroom with, and decided he doesn't deserve to have his left ass cheek (he claims the left side of the toilet) be free of his never ending, free falling, shed-me-like-a-snake-pubic-hairs…so, lady 5 was out.

4). I just hope, as I continue my search that lady 5 will not be the closest I get to finding a maid to clean my one bedroom, and half of a bathroom, all because of a dirty, hairy, all seasons shedding man, who I felt did not deserve my extra 25 dollars cash to have his half of the bathroom clean.

5). I just called another independent maid, through an online phonebook service, and I asked her if this was "Allison the Maid, from the online phone book service," and she said, "We don't call ourselves maids, or at lest I don't. I'd like to be referred to as a Domestic Engineer."

6). People have a serious, vain problem with their name and job titles.

7). My search continues ;)