You find alternatives for common hygienic products.

The other day I was shaving with my manual razor. I take pride in my shaving. It takes skill for a close trim and it takes a god to make your chin as silky smooth as mine (Yup, I have a small god complex, wanna fight?). What I enjoy more than achieving a jaw line as soft as a cloud, is the wicked burn I get after slapping some after shave on that bitch. I unintentionally reenact Home Alone every time as I try to punch and slap away the pain (it never works).

I finished up a good shaving sesh the other day when I noticed my thieving roommate finished up all my after shave. (Note to self: mess with Warren's Facebook). I turn it upside down to see if there were any salvageable drops. Nope. (Note to self: eat Warren's giant Hershey's kiss he's been saving for Valentine's Day). I need to find a quick alternative. I need my sting. I look under the sink. Let's see what we got:

-Acne Cream: No thanks. Not stingy enough.
-Bleach: Hrmm. It would definitely burn the hell out of my face. Let's call it a runner-up.
-Smirnoff Vodka: How'd that get there? That would help, but I'm on a budget, and that's for drinking, not for face-dousing.
-Epsom Salt: That's for cleaning my bong and my feet. Not what I'd call an anti-septic.
-Bulk Sized Orange Flavored Listerine: Bingo!

My face has been feeling fresh with a hint of citrus zest ever since. Looks like I won't be buying any aftershave for a lifetime cause I bought that ish from Costco, which means it's gonna be around for a while. From a collegiate perspective, we don't fix things or buy more of what we run out of, we simply work around it.

You see kids, I hate to sound cheesy, but if there's a will, there's a way… especially if you're in college, lazy, and poor.