Staff Picks

105%

Issue Ninety-Four

by 105%-O-Matic on February 3, 2009

Since Feburary 30

Stay clean in public restrooms

I read that the first stall is the cleanest because everyone walks past it; so logically, that’s the one I piss on.

-Christopher Luyster

I bet the first history museum was really boring.

-Adam Newman

I ate a $6,000 pizza the other night- it was half pepperoni, half stegosaurus.

-Mikey K

Since my Cocoa Puffs always turn my milk into chocolate milk, I thought putting Cocoa Puffs into chocolate milk might turn it into regular milk. Instead, it turned my into a diabetic.

-Erinn Nelson

The movie “Hotel for Dogs” could be doubly named “Buffet for Asians”.

-Steven K

The guy who invented the word “assume” originally wanted to spell it “assyoume” but decided to go for the more subtle joke.

-Myke Okuhara

I don’t need an iPhone because I have something just as good and much, much more inexpensive. Friends with iPhones.

-Amir Blumenfeld

Why is it that the muppet named Animal is the one that’s most obviously not an animal?

-Ryan Collins

The best part about breaking up with someone is moving all your porn from C:Program FilesJavaj2re1.4.2libziPacific to C:Porn.

-Ryan Adams

Isn’t Sierra Mist just the more specific version of Mountain Dew?

-Kyle Dilks

As I looked out the window I was amazed to see, from left to right, a liquor shop, hair solon, and recruitment office. I then screamed “you’re not fooling anyone Uncle Sam”

-Justin Webb

Winners

My dad always says “winners never quit” and i always say no shit they’ve already won why would they quit you moron, my dad and i don’t have a good relationship…..

-Fred G

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