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Amir and Ethan

CH Sports Weekly: More Super Than Any Bowl

by Amir and Ethan on

Ethan: What a game! Kurt Warner is now 3-for-3 in starting Super Bowls that have really exciting finishes. And we were 16-for-16 on prop betting advice. We should be forced to write that column every year.

Amir: Steelers fans enjoyed the game because they won, Cardinals fans enjoyed the game because they were actually competitive, and commercial fans were just sorely disappointed. Two out of three ain’t bad!

Ethan: Commercial fans were disappointed? Speak for yourself. I was just sitting here wondering what in the hell I was going to do with all this used gold jewelry I’ve got sitting around.

Amir: And I was wondering if Danica Patrick’s morals were for sale. Turns out they are.

Ethan: Can we go ahead and clear this up, though: that was a great game, but not the best Super Bowl ever. Or even the best in the last 12 months.

Amir: Maybe the best fourth quarter ever, but not the best Superbowl. Most underrated moment: James Harrison beating the crap out of Arizona’s Aaron Francisco. My God, I was only watching on TV but I was still scared for my life.

Ethan: Watching James Harrison run that TD back was incredible. Is there anything better than watching a huge person try to outrun someone? Why can’t that be a sport all its own: you get a bunch of 300 pounders and have skinnier people chase them. I’d tune into that.

Amir: I’m happy the head of development at Fox Television reads this column. So were you rooting for the underdog like a true American hero, or were you one of those DESPICABLE people who thought an Arizona victory would be terrible for football.

Ethan: I was mainly rooting for my squares pool, so I was livid when that first TD challenge ended up costing me $500. Now I finally understand how people can dislike instant replay. It ruins the game. It costs fans money. This experiment isn’t working, Goodell.

Amir: That’s so self-centered. Here’s a theoretical question I always ask people: what percentage of your total net worth would you have to have riding on the game for you to be more invested than a life long die-hard Steelers fan.

Ethan: Over half, I’d guess. They’re pretty devoted fans. Do you think they’re happy with this whole Sixburgh nickname? I really was hoping for the much-catchier “One for the Thumb (Of the Other Hand)” to catch on.

Amir: Don’t ask me. I was rooting for One-azona. Or Arizon-one. I hadn’t decided.

Ethan: It’ll always be Ari-zero-na to me. You’ve made it this far without taunting me for Wake’s colossal fall off of a basketball cliff. And for that, I thank you, sir.

Amir: Tobacco Road is under construction, folks! I’m kidding. Seriously though, it is. Lots of I-40 Westbound only has one lane open between Raleigh and Greensboro. Expect delays.

Ethan: You were at Kobe’s 61-point game. What’s your exclusive report?

Amir: He’s good at basketball folks, take it from me. But I actually think LeBron’s 52 point triple double is more impressive. I can’t wait to see how KG tries to one up them both on Friday. Can we be days away from our first Triple-20 game!?

Ethan: At this point, the Knicks are only one step removed from the Washington Generals. I’m guessing KG scores 50, dunks off a ladder, AND fools the audience into thinking he’s going to splash them with a bucket of water. Don’t be scared, Spike Lee! it’s only full of confetti!

Amir: If I’m a Knicks season ticket holder I’m happy. At least I’m getting entertained.

Ethan: That’s why the last three ticket holders haven’t given up their seats yet. Got an interesting fact for us this week?

Amir: If you get 2-2 in your Superbowl box next year you might as well just shred your potential winnings right away. Only one game in NFL history has ever ended that way.

Ethan: The Bills beat the Dolphins 42-32 in that game in 2004. Anyone who had the 2-2 square cashed in. They then immediately spent their winnings on counseling because only a degenerate gambler would play a squares pool in a regular-season Bills-Dolphins game.

Amir: It was an AFC East showdown! I’m sorry! No, you know what? I’m NOT sorry.

Ethan: Until next week, hire Adam Dunn to DH!

Amir and Ethan are also run StraightCashHomey.net: A random jersey blog

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