5 Reasons Why "Jingle All the Way" is the Greatest Christmas Movie EVER!!!

1.  Young Anakin Skywalker plays the little boy who so desperately wants aTurbo Man action doll.  This little bastard may annoy the shit out ofyou but there is no denying he is pretty damn cute.

2.  Arnold Schwarzenegger cast as the classic 90’s business loving Dad who is just too busy for his kids and seems to break his promises on a disturbingly regular basis.  The funniest part of this may be how successful he is in the business world because everyone knows that Arnold could never really amount to anything in real life….. oh thats right.  He became the republican governor of one of the most liberal states in America.

3.  Sinbad.  What else can be said, one of the greatest comedians ever cast as the hilariously drunk and slightly crazy sidekick mailman.  His exploits include drinking from a flask; calling in a fake bomb threat, and almost dropping an innocent kid off of a building all while dressed up as a goofy character from a beloved TV show.

4.  No where else has last second christmas shopping been taken to this extreme.  At one point Arnold discovers an underground toy and drug smuggling operation ran by people who are all dressed up as Santa Claus.  The big man proceeds to beat the absolute shit out of multiple Santas including one hilarious cigar smoking midget.  But he almost is bested when confronted by Paul Wight AKA The Giant AKA The Big Show.  Arnold proceeds to duck arrest by grabbing a toy badge and very illegally impersonating a FBI agent. 

5.  Phil fucking Hartman.  The man was a genius.  No one has ever played an annoyingly smug milf-banging divorcee neighbor better than him.  He is so douche-ee when you watch the movie you wish you could somehow warp into the film in order to stand up and beat the living fuck out of him.  Also throughout the movie he is trying to boink Arnold’s wife while at the same time banging half of the other neighboorhood wives.  He does this by pretending to love and care for his fatass little kid so women will think he is sensitive while in reality he doesn’t give a shit about him.  Phil just loves the poon-tang.