Conversations With Your Stoner Roommate Part 1

You: Dude, what happened to my new shampoo?

Roommate: Huh?

You: I bought a new shampoo this morning and now the bottle is empty.

Roommate: I don’t know what you’re talking about, man.

You: Look, I know you use all my stuff and that’s cool. But the whole bottle is gone, what did you – I mean you must have poured it down the drain or something.

Roommate: (pause) I am so embarrassed. I ate the whole thing.

You: You what?! You ate it?

Roommate: I’m sorry, man. (shrugs) I was taking a shower… I poured it in my hand and it looked so creamy… smelled so delicious. It’s strawberry and kiwi, you know. So I licked it and then I got that thing where you don’t know if it’s really bad or really good so I kept licking it and before I knew it… it was gone.

You: Are you crazy? You mean you really ate it? That shit is not good for you man. I mean, it’s not made of fruit.

Roommate: Wait, what? But it says on the bottle… strawberry and kiwi…

You: Dude, they put that on there to make it seem natural… it’s chemicals, man. It’s not even organic.

Roommate: Oh my god.

You: Do you feel sick? Yeah, coz… you’re probably poisoned. That’ll kill you, man.

Roommate: OH MY GOD! I need to go to the emergency room! (laughs)