Live Reporting from backstage at the Academy Awards

Jennifer Aniston's body is a wonderland as she aimlessly navigates  atop John Mayers shoulders in hopes of spotting the curious case of Brad cute as a button Pitt.  It seems Ms. Aniston never fully recovered from the Breakup, her divorce from Brad Pitt nor the mediocre Vince Vaughn movie which was a promising romantic comedy that transitioned into something surprisingly depressing, just like her personal life.  For the first time ever, Jolie and Anniston are in the same room pitted against each other.

Anniston approaches Jolie.

Jen:  Hey! You you you…errrr…I can't BELIEVE what you did. You ruined my marriage. (shakes her finger at Angelina Jolie)

Angelina: Hey! Some advice:  don't point your f**king finger at crazy people!

Jen: Stop stealing my thunder. I am the one that gets to flip out here. (bangs her fists together, as from the Friends episode where clanking  fists represents giving the finger)

Angelina: There are just too many buttons in this world just begging to be pressed. Why doesn't anybody just reach inn and pull out the truth and TELL ME that I'm a fuc*ing whore!

Jen: Are you just reciting lines from Girl Interrupted? What are you doing?

Angelina: Playing the villain baby, just like you want.

Jen: Just so you know, it's weird to quote yourself. Real subtle, we all know you won an Oscar for Girl Interrupted. I just want you to know there was a specific point in my life, the time when my hair was short, that I wanted to fight you.

Angelina: How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?

Jen: Real original. Quoting Fight Club. I'm trying to have a conversation. You ruined my marriage

Angelina: I have no regrets about what I did with Bradley. Sure Mr. And Mrs. Smith could have been better, but our relationship is genuine. I didn't do anything until you guys were on a break. You of all people should know about the terms and conditions of a break. You were on a break!

Jen:  No way, is that a Ross and Rachel reference? You watch Friends? Oh my Lordie. Angelina Jolie watches my show. Wow.

Angelina: I am a fan.  There is no reason we can't hang out sometime, we can get tattoos, swap viles of blood, adopt children, build a hut in Tanzania, stop the Thailand refugee exodus propagated by Myanmar's military regime, play scrabble.

Jen: I'll let you know if I ever have time, I'm going to be busy since I may purchase a parakeet or a Chihuahua.

Angelina (smugly): That's great. (smiles)

The two actresses part ways

Reporter: If there is one thing this reporter learned from this Mangelina Jolie and Jennifer Maniston feud is that Jen really does have great hair and Angelina's lips are simply otherworldly! Stay tuned as we interview designer gowns and what actress' they are wearing!