Avril Lavigne Ruined My Life

­You may know Avril Lavigne-singer, songwriter, sort-of actress. Did you know that Avril is the 7th most powerful Canadian? That ranks her at about 377th most powerful person overall.

-But, did you know that she was also…my love? That’s right. Avril Lavigne and I dated for a brief time, before she broke my heart tragically. For the next five minutes, you will comprehend only of how Avril Lavigne broke my heart, and the fraudulent career she now holds.

-She’s married now, and yet, why does she keep antagonizing me? She wants to be my girlfriend. But I don’t even know who you are anymore, Avril. Are you that semi-goth down to earth girl I love? Or are you the “Motherf***ing Princess?” I don’t know, Avril, I just don’t know!

Dwelling on the Past…
-The story was simple: I was just a boy. She was just a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? I thought that we were in love, hadn’t you heard, and that we rocked each other’s world.

-But, I guess not. Remember Avril? When I was a skater boy? You said see you later, boy. How could she do that? Oh, by the way, great job rhyming “boy” with “boy” like sixteen times. Real creative, there.

­Of course, when you said that, I was devastated. But no, that wasn’t enough for Avril, was it? She had to write a song about it-using lyrics I WROTE. Probably. It was a rough time for me, so my memory’s a little hazy about that.

Living in the Present…
­Well, you know what Avril? Things have changed. Take a look at my girlfriend. She’s the only one I got. Not much of a girlfriend. I never seem to get a lot.

- And now, look at you. I know you don’t like my girlfriend. Why do you think, she’s like, so whatever? Or that I could do so much better? As much as I would like to get together now, you made a mistake. Now she has to live with it.
¼br>-I still talk to that girl we met, Avril. Remember? Her name was Hannah, from Montana? She’s been there for me. Throughout all of this. In fact, she’s set to take your job as “PopPunk and Rock” teen singer. What kind of a genre is that, anyway? You’ve clearly made it up, since you’re the only person in that genre.

Looking to the Future…
-Well Avril, the joke’s on you. Because, when I get knocked down, I get up again. You’re never going to keep down.

-I spent so much time on you, pretending to listen while you played your guitar, gently telling you that your album sales were going downhill, fast. But, what happened? Being a “Sk8ter Boi” wasn’t good enough for you? Why don’t you go learn how to spell?

-I’m never going to think about you again, Avril. This was something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life. (Freebird)