"A Job Interview with Mel Kapowski: Car Salesman" by Nick Griffith

David, a job applicant, enters and sees Mel Kapowski who is in the middle of eating his salami sandwich on rye.

Mel: David is it? Come on in, hope you don't mind if I finish my lunch while we're talking.

David: Not at all sir, I want to thank you for seeing –

Mel: Eh don't worry about it kid. So why do you want this job?

David: Well, sir, I think I would be a great asset to your organization.

Mel: You wanna talk about a great piece of asset, did you see Candy on your way in?

David: Yes, I think so –

Mel: Beautiful girl… Met her at Juggernauts over by the airport. She made me a whiskey sour using only her butt cheeks and I thought, this broad would make a great secretary.

David: She seems very nice.

Mel: Who are you kidding kid? She screams at every customer that comes in, can't tell what she's saying either because half of it's in Russian. Can't complain though, the amount of business she's lost me still doesn't compare with what I spent over at Saturday Night Beaver.

David: You mean Juggernauts?

Mel: You go there too?! Tell me, does that hot piece of ass Candy still bartend over there?

David: Um….

Mel: Ah, forget about it. Let's get back to business. Tell me a little about yourself, Danny boy.

David: It's David, but let's see, I graduated from State with a degree in business. There I was a member of several –

Mel: Oh college boy huh? You know I went to college once, wasn't what I thought it would be. I shared a dorm with Stabbin' Steve. They aren't kidding when they say those rooms are small, ours had only two beds and a toilet. I was only there about a week or so though, but I must have done pretty good. I stood in front of the dean with 12 of his buddies and they gave me my diploma, all I had to do was pay the rest of my tuition.

David: That sounds a lot like –

Mel: State Corrections, that's where you went too isn't it? Go bullqueers!

David: Yeah… I don't think this is going to –

Mel: Donny, I like you, you seem like a real go-getter.

David: It's David, sir.

Mel: Same difference. Tell me what you think your biggest weakness is.

David: I think I should go –

Mel: I'll start off by telling you mine. I can't stay off the sauce if you know what I mean! Ah, I'm only kidding. But really I'm an alcoholic.

David: I'll be in touch.

Mel: Thanks for stopping in Darren. Can I get another copy of your resume before you leave? I got salami all over the other one.

David: No.

David leaves and shuts door behind him. Mel pushes a buttton on the intercom.