Number 4 to become PlayStation exclusive

Number 4 to become PlayStation exclusive

By Brandon Scott Wolf
Phroth Staff Writer

TOKYO” In a bold marketing move, electronic giant Sony has bought the rights to the number 4 in hopes to corner the numerical video game market before the highly anticipated release of the PlayStation 4.

“Thisis message for you Mr. Bill Gates; you and your cowboy Xbox will nevertake Japan’s number,” said Chairman and Group CEO Kazuo Hirai. “Our nation is known for Hello Kitty, Godzilla and now, your American number 4.”

“Nintendo made up a word and that seemed to work for them. So we thought we could steal their idea and improve upon it like wealways do,” said SCE Head of Marketing Lennard Hoornik.

Sony’sownership of the number 4 has effectively changed the world. Anyone who uses the number without permission must pay royalties to the Japanese electronic mega giant.

“Sequels must stop at 3 for all our competition,” said Hirai. “Now we can be most creative and have all sequels.”

In response, competitors like Nintendo Company Ltd. have fired back at Sony through creative loopholes.

“We’re not scared. We’re Nintendo. When’s the last time we used a number for any of our franchises?” said President and COO of Nintendo of America Reggie Fils-Aimé. “No one goes to 4 anyways. They always stop at 3 and switch to colons followed by clever names.”

The acquisition of the number 4 has created problems throughout the world.

“This Playing Station has officially fucked math,” said former Princeton University professor and mathematician John Nash. “I can’t work anymore. There are Asian spies trying to take my money. They’re everywhere.”

Sony’s competitors are preparing for the creativity drought by using sequel loopholes.

“Fuck, we forgot about the colon’s ability to create a title,” said Hoornik. “We’ll get the rights to that next.”

Look for these upcoming sequels in fall 2009: World of Warcraft: At Worlds End, Pikmin: Garden Tools: Shovel, Spade and Hoe and Halo: The Covenant Battle Dome Experiment Thing.