Stall to the Wall: The 1, 3, 5, Rule

    The 1,3,5 rule that is encoded into the male DNA for the usage of urinals, needs to be applied to stalls as well. When I am relieving myself..a quarter inch of plywood does not provide me the safety or the comfort that is ideal.
    Unlike the rule as it applies to the urinal, when Im pooping in a stall i don’t fear that the man next to me may be looking at my stuff or that I may see some unexpected frontal nudity, no, in the stall its all about noise. I like to relax when im pooping, and I find that i just cant preform when there is someone right next to me grunting and moaning, the same way that I want to.  My god given right to produce rolling thunder is being stolen straight from my sweaty palms.
    Most public bathrooms only have two stalls, making it hard for this rule to be applicable, but it needs to be done.  I usually shoot for the handicap stall, maximizing the comfort and space (plus i straddle the metal handles).
     Bathroom etiquette is out of control, nobody and I mean nobody has any respect anymore.  Play this scenario out in your head: Say I’m relieving myself first, getting my grunt and sweat on, and someone posts up next to me, suddenly i feel the need to be withhold my displays of shitting satisfaction and suddenly I am unable to perform, because my comfort level is gone. If just the opposite happens and someone is in the stall next to me before i sit down then I let-out a welcome blast…just to let my stallmate know of my presence….I follow that with a whisper just loud enough for the both of us to here “oh yea buddy, wrap it up..this internal-uproar is only going to spread”. When he leaves, my comfort factor is re-established and I am able to dive balls deep into my USA-Today, t-bag my nuts in the toilet water, and just enjoy.