Roommate Confessions: Issue 68

It’s been far too long since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here for Thursday’s confessional.

My boyfriend, his roomy, and I built a potato gun that was almost 7 feet tall named “The Spudinator 5000.” You had to hold it like a bazooka and ignite it with a grill igniter. One night, we decided that we are going to shoot some oranges at the president’s house. We shot two at his house before we saw campus security coming towards us. We all jumped into the back of the truck and peeled out, going to the other side of the campus. We shot another orange out at the girl’s dorms and then went to Denny’s. We were never caught.
Allison Bennett, School Not Given

You know how you constantly steal my food every weekend I go home and you don’t think I notice? Well, I do and I’m curious to how those 4 year old pop-tarts (that I found in my pantry last weekend) taste. Hope you like worms.
Alex F, School Not Given

So we had this one roommate who was a huge tool. He had this unhealthy obsession with the men’s lacrosse team. He was, and still is, basically their groupie. Well, he would always invite them over and throw parties for them. Interestingly enough no one that actually lived in our house played lacrosse or was friends with them, besides our one roommate. Well one night, he decided to throw a party for them that lasted past 3 in the morning (this wasn’t a first). Problem with that was some of us had classes and work at 8 in the morning. So we decided the next day to take the airsoft gun we had and use his laptop screen as target practice. Funniest thing about it was he didn’t even get mad because we told him the lacrosse kids did it. Maybe you should get off their backs. They don’t even like you that much.
Steve V., School Not Given

Remember that time when you gave me your spare car key to go to the grocery store. Well, you never asked for the key back, so for the remainder of the semester I would use your car while you were either at class, hanging out with your girlfriend, or at one of those youth group things you always tried to make us go to. I just wanted to let you know I basically wet myself laughing when you came home early from class one day only to find your car missing, then calling the police saying how your car was stolen and when they eventually showed up to investigate you had to go through the embarrassment of discovering your car was right back in your parking spot where you left it (or I guess where I left it). By the way, I never once filled up the tank and that dent did not just “show up,” I hit a pole. I’m glad you moved out after the first semester, but I will admit, I really miss your car.
Tim M., School Not Given

My roommate is this year is a chess club member who plays in band, is addicted to Warcraft and leaves the room for food, class and absolutely nothing else. Whenever me and my girlfriend need “personal” time I leave a post-it note on the door. About half-way through the semester he decides that it’s okay to simply ignore these and just started opening the door whenever he damn well felt like it. We were interfering with his Warcraft was his excuse. He left his computer on so I (along with a friend who is acquainted with the game) simply went onto his Warcraft account and did everything under the sun we could think of to get all 5 of his characters banned. I didn’t think that would emotionally break you down to the point of tears.
Al Smith, School Not Given

Submit yours here!