A lot of my friends take alcoholism very seriously, but it’s more of a Christmas and Easter thing for me.
I thought getting my dog drunk would be really funny, but he just throws up like everyone else.
If funerals were like college parties
How did I know the deceased? I didn’t, but one of my friends did and said there would be free beer.TI just invented a new cocktail combining my two favorite drinks:a sex on the beach and a Manhattan. It’s called a Sex and the City.
“I’m drunk, you’re Asian, let’s f*ck,” has never worked as a pick-up line for me. But I refuse to throw it away, at least until I get to try it out on an Asian.
The worst kind of surprise party is an intervention.
My friends and I celebrate the Olympics with our own Beerlympics. It’s just like the real Olympics, but all the events are based on drinking. This summer I won the gold medal in losing my job and abusing my wife. In 2012 I hope to add killing a pedestrian to that list.
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Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
