CH Sports Weekly: Detailed NIT and CIT Breakdown

Ethan: How’s your bracket looking? I’ve learned my lesson about picking upsets. From now on, I’m downgrading March Madness to March Slight Annoyance.

Amir: This just means the selection committee members are getting better at their job. You think they have tourney pools and just pick no upsets?

Ethan: Really, the only way to win that pool is to guess the number of points in the final game exactly on the nose. Has Eric Devendorf become your least-favorite college player yet? He’s getting into the JJ Redick zone for me.

Amir: I love villains, so he’s actually becoming my FAVORITE player. I want a poster of him yelling on the scorers table before his last second shot against U-Conn was overturned.

Ethan: I want for him to play an entire game one-handed while using the other to pop the front of his jersey. After seeing the first weekend of action, who do you like to win the title now?

Amir: Obviously a #1 seed, as there will be no upsets. Isn’t Louisville the number one overall? I guess them.

Ethan: It doesn’t bother you that Louisville struggled against Siena a little bit? UConn’s looked nasty, but do you think they’ll be distracted by these rumors of NCAA recruiting violations. Quick, Calhoun, get one of the players to steal you a laptop so you can read the news!

Amir: I like that nearµpsets are the new upset. Especially when Gus Johnson yells “The slipper doesn’t fit anymore but it almost continued to fit!“¼/p>

Ethan: Cal State Northridge definitely got a moral victory against Memphis, and when you’ve got a mascot like the Matador, you’ve got to pick up your self-esteem wherever you can.

Amir: Funny that the only REAL upset was when your alma mater, the Wake Forest Deamon Deacons, a team who was ranked #1 in the country as late as two months ago, was completely dismantled by Cleveland State — a team who ended up not even going to the sweet sixteen! Isn’t that funny?!

Ethan: Yes. Yes, it is.

Amir: I think the way it works, is that they now just get a first round bye in the CIT tournament. Look out Bradley!

Ethan: Okay, fine, I’ll comment on it. What a horrible, horrible game. I’m not even sure Jeff Teague was alive for most of it; that Cleveland State player who looks like the Predator may have killed him at some point. Just awful. By the end of it, I had the same shocked, confused look on my face that Al-Farouq Aminu usually does.

Amir: This CIT tournament is like a who’s who of old tournament teams. Ever wondered what Belmont, Oakland, Drake, and Austin Peay are up to?

Ethan: I just assumed they’d all gone off to backpack through Europe together.

Amir: Every year a set of parents get famous from tournament coverage. Last year it was the Curry’s and this year it’s Peggy Bundy Griffin and Ving Rhames Griffin.

Ethan: Yeah, but usually the parents disappear after the tourney. We’ll be able to see both of them, along with Not as Good At Basketball Brother Griffin at NBA games next year. This family is going to love Sacramento!

Amir: What do you think Taylor Griffin thinks of all this love for his little bro?

Ethan: I think he’s hoping he can Harvey Grant his way into the NBA. The old Brent Price special, if you will.

Amir: That’s why I like the Collins twins. They’re both the “other brother.” There is no good one.

Ethan: Moving on, have you ever been as ashamed to call yourself an American as you were during the World Baseball Classic? This settles it; we’re moving to the Netherlands.

Amir: Damnit, I just moved to Japan.

Ethan: I like that except for the Asian countries, nobody seems to know how seriously to take this tournament. If Bud Selig really just wants to promote patriotism and preseason injuries, he should have players hold flags while he hits them in the knee with a hammer. It would save us all a lot of time.

Amir: Or, get rid of the flags, and just make the hammer red white and blue?

Ethan: God bless America. Speaking of mediocre competitions, the Bobcats are only a game and a half out of the playoffs at 31-39. Michael Jordan’s plan is working perfectly!

Amir: You don’t have to get better, you just have to wait until other teams get worse.

Ethan: At least Gilbert Arenas is going to make it back this season. Good thing there’s only like $93 million left on his contract! I’m with Fox News; someone really needs to force Washington into responsible spending.

Amir: Did you hear he’s getting pressure to give back his signing bonus?

Ethan: The President will put the press on him when he makes an appearance on Craig Ferguson, I’m sure. Got an interesting fact for us this week?

Amir: Blake Griffin had 33 and 17 against Michigan in the round of 32. Last player to get at least those numbers? Nick Collison. Not sure if this is a good thing for Blake.

Ethan: Tell that to Thunder fans! He’s their rock. Guys who can put up an 8-7 line night in and night out don’t just grow on trees, you know. Until next week, get excited for the Sweet Sixteen!

Amir and Ethan also run StraightCashHomey.net , a random jersey blog.