| Your Major | Job Before The Recession | Job After The Recession |
| Accounting | Accountant | Bonus Check Shredder |
| Mechanical Engineering | Automotive Engineer | Torch and Pitchfork Manufacturer |
| Economics | Stock Broker | Coke Dealer |
| Journalism | Journalist | Rush Limbaugh |
| Women's Studies | Sex Discrimination Lawyer | Prostitute |
| Political Science | Politician | Angry Mob Leader |
| Philosophy | Philosophy Professor | Doomsday Cult Leader |
| Business | Financial Consultant | Pariah |
| Nepotism | Hedge Fund Executive | Hedge Fund Assitant Executive |
| History | Wendy's Manager | Wendy's Assistant Manager |
| English | Well, you weren't getting a job anyway. | So don't worry about it. Just keep working on that screenplay. |
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