GrandPasitioning System

…Initializing…

…Select voice preference…

You have selected: Grandpa

…Calculating route…

Destination set.

Are you all ready to go?

Ok, check your mirrors.

Good. Ok, are your lights on?

Did you check your mirrors?

Don’t sass back at me, young missy. Which one of us once ran the car into a mailbox?

You were not 15, you were 19. Now get on with it.

Now back up slowly… slowly…

Turn on your blinker now. Yes, now. It is not too early.

Ease up on that car in front of you, you’re too close.

Yes you are. You’re on his tail-end like an oriental on rice.

No, I will not apologize.

Ok, merge onto the freeway in .1 miles.

I don’t care if you don’t want to.

No, it’s not exactly on the way, but you obviously need more practice.

Yes you do.

Alright, speed up a little.

Look behind you, you need to get in front of that semi.

I know you know. Just speed up.

SPEED UP!

I’M NOT YELLING. JUST- DEAR LORD GO FASTER!

STOP SCREAMING, DAMMIT! JUST PICK UP YOUR SPEED NO! YOU CAN’T SLOW DOWN YET! KEEP WITH TRAFFIC!

WATCH THE LINE! YOU’RE BARELY IN YOUR LANE!

Just- just pull off at the next exit in .4 miles.

You need to calm down. Pull over.

No, I’m not mad at you. Stop crying.

Stop crying!

No, you can’t go home, now. Right back up on that horse, remember?

Alright? Are you done crying?

Ok then.

Check your mirrors…