Mating Call for a Flightless Bird

Vampires, so hot right now. “Come get me, let’s do this vampires, what are you waiting for, take me to an underworld of flesh eating intercourse, I dare you!” is one way to get fanged. However, here are some better ways to get ANY Vampire to sleep with you: 

Bathe in Blood: Hygiene is important when trying to woo anyone of the opposite species. Steel blood from a local blood bank or slaughter a pig. Be straight up Carrie and drench yourself head to toe in blood. Best followed by a towel dry. Avoid being near water, you want to be bitten by a Vampire, not a shark.

Get Noticed: Be confident. Lift stuff. Never smile, only smirk. Wander the streets alone while exploring dark alleys, grave yards and abandoned amusement parks. Find reasons to flex and give sideways smoldering looks. Make that kitty purr as you swagger amidst the dangers of the night. Rrrrrrah.

Apparel: Unlike normal people, Vampires LOVE leather. Nothing screams social alienation and sadomasochism quite like wearing a full on leather clad outfit. Wear it, own it, work it, because a Vampire will rip it right off, taking you to pleasure town. (Not to be confused with rapetown, which is where werewolves take you.)

Talk + Listen = Good Conversation: Convince the Vampire you want to get to know them. Inquire about their travels, hometown and what their favorite era is (hint: medieval). Mention that you love The Dark Knight and hate sunlight and garlic.

Body Language: The neck is the ultimate aphrodisiac to a vampire, so have the goods on display. The vampire will be overcome by lust and bite you. Hell yeah. Ravage the Vampires body and drink their blood as well. Go wild. Remember when actions had consequences, yeah, back when you were mortal. Do whatever you want from now on, you’re going to be around for awhile, live a little.  

Post Hook Up Protocol: Text friends GAAAAAAMMMEEE!! Bask in glory.