A Quick Word on Facebook Status Updates

Easily one of my favorite things in the world is reading people’s statuses on Facebook. If I were in the Sound of Music, that’s one of the things I would put in my song. All you have to do is open up your chat thing and look down at all of the people’s statuses and you can automatically tell if someone is a douche or not. Easily one of the most recognizable ways to tell is someone who I will call “The Complainer” in a status. These are the assholes who have a status something like this : “class all day then homework then off to the library and back to class…fuck my life!”. No. Fuck you. All of us have stuff to do and all of us feel the exact same way. You think you’re the only person in the world who has homework, goes to class, and has a little bit of trouble with time-management? Oh yeah, that’s EVERY PERSON IN COLLEGE. And this new epidemic of “fml” or “fuck my life” has got to go.
Moving on, I’d now like to take a look at the “I’m Way Behind on Current Songs But I Think this One is So I’m Going to Make it My Status” guy. The truth is, you’ve probably been that guy. It’s okay. We all have at some point. Just don’t try to make a habit of it. A current example would be any lyrics from the song “On a Boat”. I was listening to that two months ago.
Lastly and certainly the most annoying are the “Sad Guy” guys. They can either put a real message in their status about a recent breakup or a song lyric that accurately conveys their troubled emotion. Example: “Spencer just wishes he could make her see”. Or this gem, which I actually saw today: “Spencer wishes he could take back everything he said”. I really don’t even feel like its necessary to make a joke here. They’ve already done it for me.
Look, I’m not saying we all don’t slip up here and then. But seriously, next time you make a status, look at it and ask yourself if it is acceptable and you wouldn’t care if millions of people saw it or if you are about to put on a clinic in douchebaggery.