A Few Simple Facebook Ettiquitte Rules

1) Nothing screams “I’m a douchebag” like having your shirt off in your profile picture. Extra douche points if you take that picture with your cell phone.

2) When you’re writing your status please, for the love of God, delete the “is” if it doesn’t make the sentence sound correct. Example : Spencer is feels terrible. Does that make any sense at all? Are you really just going to piss away everything you’ve learned in school thus far?

3) If you are a guy and use a smiley face thing ever, please do us both a favor and don’t speak to me. As much as it hurts me to do this, I’ll show you an example of what I am talking about: :), ;), >: O, etc. Wow, that was hard for me to do. My night is ruined.

4) If you’re going to use song lyrics in your status, use a current song. An example of a poor choice would be: Spencer is crankin dat soulja boy.

5) Don’t publicly announce your problems to the world via status. Example: Spencer just wishes he could make her see…Wow, real deep and ominous. Stop crying. AND I hate to sound like an asshole but I’m gonna be honest here, I don’t care even a little bit if you “have sooooooooooooo much hw” or are “going to class then the rec then UPTOWN WHOOOOO!!!!” or if you “can not WAIT for the weekend”.

6) If you are ugly, use a profile picture that’s kinda far away so no one can see your actual face when (and if) they search you. Or just use a funny picture that you found online. At least girls will think you have some sense of humor or something. Hell, whatever works.

7) Stop adding stupid applications like Ninjas and Wizard Warriors and shit like that. You might as well just add the “I’ve never gotten laid” application.

8) Facebook is not a personal ads website. Therefore, in your “about me” section don’t give out your weight, height, eye and hair color. I can tell by your picture if you’re ugly or not, unless you took my advice and used a picture from the internet.

9) Bumper stickers that have some stupid background written in even dumber font on an equally idiotic quote about friendship are for girls and girls only.

10) Girls, stop doing the dumbass fake relationships with your friends. One of these days I’m going to make a joke about it and the two girls will really be in a relationship with eachother. Don’t make me and every other guy in the world look foolish.

11) In the favorite books section, if I see one more person write “hahaha i dont read books” I’m going to lose it. I would never let that be public information.

12) “Spencer is.” is not a status and is not funny. No one thinks to themselves “Wow what a joker he must be. That guy’s hilarious.” Instead they always think you’re a dick.

13) If your favorite quotes section includes a quote by yourself, then you are seriously an idiot and not funny at all.