Bizzaro College Guy

 To kill time during a class break, Alex starts a conversation with a class mate.

Alex:  I am not prepared for this exam. I didn’t even buy the textbooks.

BCG: No way, how could you not buy the textbooks! They were only $145.00 each. Practically a steal considering the bookstore will buy them back for a fair price. Textbooks have got to be one of the best investments you can make, other than the crazy delicious mad cheap meal plan.

Alex: Okay, no. Do you want to study together?

BCG:  I’ll just send you my notes. Everyone agrees, it’s not who you know, it’s WHAT you know. Excuse my attire, I didn’t have time to completely iron my shirt before class.

Alex: No worries. I haven’t worn anything that didn’t have a waistband in months.  So when was the last time you partied?

BCG: I was at a Kegger last night actually. I wanted to pay but they insisted everyone drink free, especially average looking guys who didn’t know anyone. There was way too much alcohol. Luckily the cops broke it up.

Alex: That is so hurting, I hate when cops go on power trips. Did you see that video where this cop beats up a 15 year old girl?

 BCG: Yeah. That cop was totally justified, self defense right. I’m glad people like him own guns, otherwise he might have lacked the legitimate authority  to repeatedly pound a girls face into a concrete floor. If I was smart enough, I would be a cop.

Long pause

Alex:  Where was this free kegger?

BCG: I can’t remember, I had four beers.  I’m indifferent to any escapism experience. I have absolutely no interest in drunken debauchery; it’s as meaningless as caring about a stable economy or an environmentally sustainable future.  I have very few opinions in general, except for sex , mainly how I dislike it.

Alex: You suck at life. You’re not fooling anybody, you are a complete dweeb.

BCG: On the contrary, I have convinced my girlfriend that I find her attractive and enjoy having sex with her. My plan is to marry her, hopefully she asks me soon. She is down to earth, super intellectual with a great body, I knew from the moment I saw her she was from Mississippi.

Alex: Riiiight. Enough about your personal life. So um… did you hear they’re making an Arrested Development movie?

BCG: Why! Talk about unnecessary. If there is one show that took FOREVER to be cancelled, it is Arrested Development. I can’t believe that stayed on the air for so long despite being the worst show on television. If American Idol wasn’t so damn great, I would have no faith in t.v.

Alex: I thought that show was hilarious, what do you find funny?

BCG: I’m not into comedy. I’m Jewish.
Professor comes back into the class

Professor: All right, for the second half of the class we will be watching a video.

BCG: A video! Better take notes. I bet it will contain recent and up to date information. The prof was right, I am blown away by his unconventional teaching methods. Not looking forward to summer, no class. Gross.