JLNBA20

America's Hottest College Girl Sweet Sixteen Preview

I hope everyone has recovered from their March Madness, fever… and pneumonia. Congratulations to the UNC Tar Heels for their victory Monday Night, but it is now time to focus on the most important tournament happening in April. We are speaking, of course, about the “America’s Hottest College Girl Contest.” The field has been cut to the Sweet Sixteen, and what a sweet sixteen it is. This is where the competition really heats up. I’m here once again to recap the action and determine who has an opportunity to join the Elite Eight. “L.G.S.”


North Region: This region has arguably become the strongest in the contest. For those of you still keeping track at home; Brittany H is the last Brittany standing. Although, as her victories have piled up; her picture selection has strangely dwindled. The fact she only has one lone picture remaining should be detrimental to her chances. Especially considering her next opponent is fan favorite “Cutie Kathleen.” Kathleen has the killer combination of wittiness, intelligence, and beauty. That combination is, what I believe, sets her apart from her competition.


Coming into the contest, Keely was the darling of the region. However, Lisa has dominated each of her first two matchups and does pose a threat to Keely’s path to the Final Four. In the end, I feel Keely’s charm will just be too much and she will find herself where she belongs; among those in the Elite Eight.

Elite Eight Predictions: Kathleen and Keely

West Region: Two more excellent matchups coming to you from the West. At first glance I expected Alisa to have an easy road to the Elite Eight. No worries. Then I looked closer, and suddenly the matchup might become closer than I expected. Briana has been building steam since her first round sneak attack over Victoria. But I have to put my weight behind Alisa. 


The next matchup is an epic showdown between Courtney and Jennifer. Arizona State vs. Arizona State. Both gorgeous, both ravishing, both thought to be unbeatable. Nevertheless, only one can make it to the Elite Eight. My gut instinct says Courtney will be the one moving on. But, will the curse of the modeling pictures knock Courtney off her thrown? And will Jennifer move one step closer to her chance at $5,000? Only time will tell, and only your votes can make it happen.

Elite Eight Predictions: Alisa and Courtney

South Region: In my opinion, the South region has been a toss up. Everybody has a legit shot to make it all the way. The Chelsea vs. Lucy matchup is the classic blonde vs. brunette battle. Judging by the way America has been voting; I’ll have to go with Lucy in a tight race. Though, don’t underestimate the fact that Chelsea has used a portfolio of crawling through a sandy beach pictures to get herself this deep, in the competition. 

Kristy has been a dominant force thus far. After knocking out the adorable Adrian in the first round, she won her match with Kristen handily. She faces Lydia, who has also beaten two formidable competitors in Nicole and Brittany. After winning the NIT tournament, I’ll pick Kristy to continue the Penn State Nittany Lions winning streak.

Elite Eight Predictions: Lucy and Kristy

East Region: You guys are killing me in the East. As I expected, Laurel had another colossal win. And Kristen had a very huge victory over Jessica. Kristen and Laurel both had massive showings in their respected second rounds. These two meeting will be a titanic battle of the “second round killers”. They both have become sleeper picks to win this whole tournament. 


Unfortunately, at the time of this writing, portfolio Autumn once again is in position to move on, as she leads Kelly K. If Laura can survive this tough matchup with Michelle she should be able to move past Autumn. And as you know, this won’t be a tough decision for me because Laura is absolutely stunning.

Elite Eight Predictions: Laurel and Laura


This article is in no way representative of the views or opinions of CH staff. Please leave your opinions of the competition in the comments below. Which of these girls will have their own One Shining Moment? And lastly, who is Mysterion?


Like this Article
URL Close
uPick
Work Sucks Awful work stories See All »
Up +60 Down
Whiny inmate

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.