Super Mario Bros. 3 Weather Report

…and it looks like World 3 will remain underwater for the conceivable future. Now if we go over here to the desert world, it looks like we’re still in the middle of this heat wave. We’re looking at temperatures above 100 degrees from level 2-1 all the way to the castle. Let me tell you, it is not pleasant out there. Strings of fire are literally jumping around the landscape, and the anthropomorphic ball and chains are so agitated they’ll just attack anything within striking distance, so beware.

We have some really interesting things going on here in this un-numbered quicksand block. Of course, we have the fire-breathing-piranha-plant-filled sand waterfalls that are typical for this region. But what’s really worth noting are these harmless, but difficult to pass tornados. We have heard reports that, if you run until your flight meter flashes “P” and jump straight into the high-speed vortex, it will suck you into the eye of the storm and gently launch you out the top, placing you safely on the other side.

Also for this area, our radar is showing a 100% chance of the sun angrily swooping down from the sky, murdering everything in its path. That’s why we are recommending you avoid this level altogether until it clears up. If you do go, carry a turtle shell. While it’s only a temporary solution, smashing the 435,000 mile ball of hydrogen, helium and anger with a shell will keep it away for about 10 seconds. After that, he’ll be back to try and destroy you, so you’re probably going to want to be indoors.

No cold or warm fronts anywhere on the map, so it looks like things are going to stay this way for at least the next couple days. Let’s talk about World 4. Everything is enormous. I have no meteorological explanation for whatever the hell is going on.