"I think I want to study Hitting Things With Sticks, but my dad's been pushing me to go into Chucking Rocks At Mammoths so I can take over the family business."
"I don't think I really need to study Communications. I'm already pretty good at grunting and pointing at things."
"I like to learn new things. For instance, yesterday I learned that there is not a person in the water when I look down at the river it's my reflection! Boy was my face red! I'd been trying to drown that guy for years."
"I try to be pretty subtle when I'm hitting on girls. Otherwise they see you coming and duck, and it's a lot harder to hit on their heads with branches. I guess I'm pretty romantic like that."
"I'm not really sure what kind of person I'm into. Girls and guys look pretty much the same to me. I guess I prefer girls because they have more holes that I can stick things into."
"My best friend is the dirty-looking guy with all the hair and the pronounced brow. There are like twelve of him."
"For fun I usually stare directly at the big bright circle that runs across the big blue thing, although sometimes I like to hoot and scream at it too. One time I threw a rock at it and I have never felt so alive."
"I think my favorite food is dead things, but alive things are good sometimes too. Like this one time I was hungry and I took a bite out of my right arm. It was really good and it even provided a lot of red liquid for me to drink. Now most of that arm is pale green and I can barely feel it anymore."
"My main hobby nowadays is trying to figure out what feces are. Are my insides falling out of my body? Will I soon be empty if this continues? Why does it smell so delicious? I'm a pretty intellectual guy."
On the Future:
"We've made some pretty huge technological advancements in my age. For instance, we've discovered fire. We've also discovered that fire is not a kind of food that you can eat, no matter how many times you try. Hopefully someday we will find a use for it other than something to yell at while terrified."
"I think my dream job would be 'Guy Who Is First To Eat Something To Make Sure It's Food and Not a Rock.' To be fair though, I do like eating most kinds of rocks."
"Since I'm already 18, I've been thinking a lot about my funeral. I hope my whole tribe attends and they bury whatever parts of me that the sabretooth tigers haven't eaten."
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