Everything I Learned in College I Learned from WOW

Fake boobs are better than no boobsat all.  Whether it’s a clump of pixels on a blood elfor a baggy of silicon, it’s something. No guy ever says, “Know what’s hot? Having the chest of an 11 year old. Nom nom nom.“  Or hopefullynot. 

Stealing is okay if it you pretendyou didn’t mean to.  You can ninja the hell out of something ifyou quickly follow it up with “zomg guys I’m soo sorry…i totally meant toclick greed.“  And then repeat this invent, making sure to sound thoroughly guilty. And then giggle to yourself as you equip your new piece of freshlystolen gear.  Suckers!

You can bail on anything for a blowjob.  Tired of wiping on trash in a raid?  Sick of listening to the annoying girl jabberin vent?  Iron Chef just come on FoodNetwork?  Just say your girlfriendpromised you a BJ and everyone will cyber high five you as you hearth out.  Nobody is going to rank anything moreimportant than getting your balls sucked. Ever.

Being a girl amongst guys oftentimes makesthings easier.  Being a girl with a hot accent always makesthings easier.  Need some extragold?  Get in vent, talk in a strongsouthern accent, giggle.  Thanks for thegold, ya’ll!

Doing things the hard is way is oftentimes…harder. Sure you could do all twenty-five dailies or go grinding or circle your miningroute for hours.  In a few hours youcould have a respectable couple hundred gold under your belt.  Well done you.  Of course in a fraction of that time youcould’ve just bought ten times that from a farmer. 

Some people will be twelve forever. Ever had that guy in your guild “ the whiney, flaccid dick thatcontributed nothing more than spamming guild chat with Chuck Norris jokes?  And then you found out he was actuallythirty-five, married, and had two children? Yah, that guy will always be that guy. And he’ll probably be your boss.

You can get out of almost anything byblaming it on technology.  Felt like making a sandwichduring KT and killed everyone?  Nobiggie, just say you lagged out.  If theycan’t prove you wrong, they can’t be mad at you. 

Progressing is oftentimes based onluck.  How many times have you gone to Naxx?  A hundred or so?  And how many times have you seen turning tidedrop?  None?  Even though it has a 15% chance ofdropping?  Yah that sounds about right.  You’ll be a noob forever, not from a lack of timeor effort, but because that’s just how things go.