You're Just Jealous My Power's Better Than Yours

Dear Somalian Pirates,

Listen, guys. We know you love Lost. The adventures, the guns, the hostage-taking, the excitement. There are freighters and boats and canoes and there’s always a war between someone and someone else. For pirates, like you, it must be a pretty great show.

But, we think you went a little too far this time. Not cool, Somalian Pirates, not cool.

We’re sorry we had to shoot at you, but when you’re playing Lost, there are a few rules you have to follow. Like, for example, you can’t actually take someone hostage and threaten his country in the hopes of getting money. This isn’t about money, you silly Somalian Pirates! It’s about THE ISLAND!

And, one more thing….it’s 2009. Pirates? Really?

TTYL.

Love,

Alison

Here’s what went down this week, in a baby Miles diaper:

Dr. Chang left his wife and kid (Miles) when Miles was just a baby. Then he died. Miles grew up with his mom in the real world, and he discovered his “talking to dead people” power when he was very young. On the island in 1977, Miles has to do some dead body moving for Horace. Hurley finds out about it, and they chat about talking to dead people and about Miles’ dad. Kate is nice to Uncle Rico, who suspects she’s in on the Ben-taking. Jack warns Sawyer about that. Then one of Sawyer’s underlings says he saw Sawyer and Kate taking Ben. Sawyer knocks him out.

Here’s what we learn:

1. Star Wars makes anything better.

2. Miles is so bitter because his father left him when he was a baby. This is probably the only topic that can make Miles cry, and eventually, it does.

3. Miles really only does shit for the money. He does give Mr. Gray a refund, but it’s to teach the guy a lesson, not to be compassionate. Great scene.

4. In the early 80s, you could get a candy bar from a vending machine for a quarter!

5. I love watching Radzinsky. He’s like super-nerd trying to act tough. If he were born 50 years later, he’d be one of those quiet kids who suddenly goes nuts and murders the whole football team.¼/p>

6. Miles just gets a sense from dead people. Hurley has conversations.

7. Hurley cares about global warming.

8. Naomi first approached Miles about working for Widmore. Also, Naomi wears too much blush.

9. Roger likes the sauce.

10. Important stuff: someone tries to scrare Miles into not taking the Widmore gig. They say to him “You’re playing for the wrong team.” Is this just a euphemism? Or does it support our theory that this whole thing is just one big chess game between two massive powers, Charles and Ben?

11. What the fuck lies in the shadow of the statue? Is it the temple/smoke monster that lies in the shadow of the giant statue on the island? I think it is. This complication does clarify one thing: our new islanders who are in the present taking over the island know a hell of a lot more about this whole thing than we thought, since they asked the same question.

13. Question for you guys: When Horace was on the phone with Pierre, he said something about electromagnetism. Is that what killed Alvarez? It made his filling fly out of his head?

12. Hurley + Star Wars = a force strong enough to make even Miles change his mind.

13. FARADAY arrives on the island!!!!!!!! Where has he been???

14. Dr. Chang was a d-d-douche.