An Intramural Hockey Player Writes A Self Help Book

 Hey there, this book is about how to get motivated. How to dominate.  How to run shit.

Perhaps you are from Arkansas and don’t give a shit about hockey. Riddle me this: Do you give a shit about banging broads? Then you care about [intramural] hockey.  

Everyone needs help hustling. Perhaps you are tired from circuit training. If you’re a broad maybe you just got your period or something. I don’t know. No worries, I’m here to help. Here are some lessons:

Rid of Negative Energy:  I don’t suggest downward dog but I do suggest meditation vis a vie alcohol. Drink to remind yourself why you drink and transcend to higher places.  Also, I don’t want to make a sweeping generalization, but women are nothing but negative energy. They say things like “no, stop, I have a boyfriend” and “We’re spending a lot of money on tuition, you should go to class” Bee-uuuuzzz kill.

Fight Whenever Possible: Other than winning consecutive intramural games, fighting is the best way to assert dominance and command respect. The other night I was at a bar six pints none the richer and this pedophile tard looked at my chick. What a fucking tourist. I put my fist to his face, rag dolled the shit out of him and left him unconscious on the road. Needless to say my girlfriend does nay go astray.  Dat was a top a da line rhyme.

Bang Broads and Drink Beer With The Boys as per usge: Shit doesn’t change, stay positive even when you’ve had a bad game/day. No matter what, you’re still awesome. A wise man once said “Shit doesn’t change”. Yeah, that just happened, I quoted myself. I talked in the fourth person. 

Goals: Whether you are setting them, working towards them or scoring them, the key to happiness is goals; regardless of skill level, goals are goals. Learn some locker room lingo and you’re golden. Now go run shit.