Thoughts of Sober Guy at a Party

9:30- Hey this party won’t be too bad and I am sure my friends didn’t invite me just to be their DD. It won’t be as bad as last time. I won’t just stand in the corner while everyone dances. And I am pretty sure no drunk guy will try to make out with me, I mean how many times can that happen, I don’t care if my face has a lot of feminine features.

9:35- I know no one here.

9:36- Where did my friends go?

9:45- Why is this guy calling me gay for not drinking? I don’t even know him.

10:05- How many different slurs for gay does this guy know?

10: 15- I wonder if I can convince Jim to drink for me in beer pong. I have known that guy since grade school, he has to have my back.

10:30- I didn’t know Jim knew so many slurs for gay.

10:45- I should go find a corner to stand in.

11:15- I feel so safe in this corner.

11:23- Those people are staring at me because I have been in this corner for so long. I should find a new corner.

11: 42- I don’t like this corner as much.

11:50- I should have just stayed home tonight and watched the Star Wars marathon on Spike.

11:53- I’m thirsty, I wonder if there is any soda here?

11: 59- Really, there are like 800 beers here and not a single soda.

12:10- Wow is this hot chick really hitting on me? She must be really drunk.

12:13- If I hooked up with her when I am sober, would it be wrong? What if I just give her my number and wait till she is sober to- Oh wow she is already making out with that other guy.

12:17- I want to go. Where the hell are my friends?

12:20- That one girl has said every song is her favorite song. I hate her.

12:21- That one guy takes off his shirt every chance he gets. I hate him.

12:22- I so am filled with hate.

12:30- I gotta get out of here. I am so lonely.

12:45- Ok found my friends. Time to go. Oh shit “I love college” just came on, now we are never going to leave.

12:46- Damnit that guy is totally checking me out.