The girl who loved too much

I once read a book called The Dog Who Loved Too Much. As you can imagine, it concerned a dog that loved its unappreciative owner too much. The loyal canine never seemed to understand why it was being kicked, hit with a newspaper, and verbally degraded, and eventually was abandoned by its owner. I find this story to be an inspiration toward this next article, in which I will address an issue titled The Girl Who Loved Too Much. Due to some extremely insensitive moments that may promote an attempt on my life by the females reading this, we will pretend this male character is NOT me. This article is meant to be educational; however, if the material gets too graphic and/or makes you wonder why men like this are placed on earth, by all means stop reading.
    Let’s begin by naming our characters. We will call the girl Roxanne and the guy, Ted. Ted and Roxanne met at work, and began talking and hanging out regularly. Roxanne resided a couple towns over. Ted liked the fact that Roxanne had a big house, and drove nice cars, but more importantly, she was blonde.
Her parents would grow to hate Ted. He never understood why, but Roxanne insisted it was the time her parents walked in on them banging on the top of the washing machine. Who knew parents did laundry on Wednesday? Anyways, Ted rarely kept a relationship more than two weeks long, and this one was nearing the two week mark, although Ted resisted giving Roxanne the boot. Why you ask? Allow me to explain.
    Imagine walking around with an instant erection reliever. It would do exactly what it sounds like it would do, relieve an erection on command. And that’s what Roxanne was, an “erection reliever workhorse.” All it took was a poke in the upper leg to signify a need for immediate erection relief, and WALA, you guessed it, Ted no longer had an erection. Like anything you binge on though, after a while you almost get nauseas at the thought of it. It would happen to Ted. Sex with Roxanne would begin to make him sick to his stomach, and would often require extreme amounts of determination and will power to get through. Let Ted’s unselfishness be a model to all of you readers.
    Now that the expert erection reliever was growing stale, Ted assumed it was time to call it quits. But why didn’t he? Not only was Roxanne a connoisseur of erection relief, she also insisted that expensive gifts and meals on her were things Ted deserved.
    For time sake, we will assume Roxanne spent much more money on Ted than Ted ever spent on Roxanne and on top of that, copious amounts of meaningless sex. Ted would eventually end it. Roxanne went to a different school (about an hour away) so he broke up with her over the phone…between classes (ALWAYS leave yourself a hang up reason!!!). After the break up, Ted began receiving hateful emails, texts and facebook messages. She even sent a card telling Ted how much of an asshole he was and how no human being should ever like him. Ted assumed she didn’t mean all of this and was simply taking it really hard, so he returned the favor and sent her a get well card. Ted soon found out; however, that Roxanne was NOT on the same page.
    Time passed and Roxanne understood that Ted was actually a great human being, and called him asking if she could visit to talk civilly about the situation. Ted agreed; he hadn’t had sex in a week, and couldn’t pass up a visit from the erection fairy. To Ted’s delight, Roxanne hadn’t changed a bit. They fucked like rabbits the whole day, and she capped it off by buying him a Quizno’s Sub AND paying for his new cell phone. After returning to the dorm, they had one last session, concluding with Roxanne reminding Ted of why she was there, “to talk civilly about the situation.” Ted told her that his feelings hadn’t changed… In a fit of fists, tears and KY jelly; Roxanne fled the room, out the door and to her car. Ted remained in bed. A couple minutes later he received a call. “(sniffle. sniffle) can you please (cough. cough) come out (sniffle. sniffle) to the car and talk to me?” Ted opened his window, felt the frigged air, saw the snow on the ground and responded. “It’s too cold, I only have shorts on and no socks, please drive home safe, the roads look terrible.” Ted still hasn’t heard from Roxanne to this day.
    Now is where I explain to you why I pleasured all of you with such a fantastic excerpt from a man named Ted’s life. It’s pretty simple actually; those that try too hard to overachieve in a relationship are shit out of luck. We have all been there, we either try so hard to please the other person, or find them trying to please us to be overwhelming. Don’t hate yourself for this, but understand what is happening. It really has nothing to do with them; it is usually because of you. The reason people try and overachieve in a relationship is because they are insecure with their abilities as a boyfriend, or girlfriend. If you think about it, it’s quite obvious. Over-pleasing, or over-indulging the other person means you are trying to make up for something, which is usually your confidence. Most relationships that begin with an overachiever in the mix are GREAT, absolutely amazing, nothing could ever change it!!! But will soon follow with I-hate-yous, never-talk-to-me-agains, etc. Don’t be alarmed, this doesn’t mean getting flowers for your significant other is going to result in separation. In fact, flowers once in a while never hurt anyone, and will most definitely get you laid. However, when one person thinks the only way to their significant other’s heart is total submission and material gifts, we have a problem
    Believe me when I say this, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, wants a little chase in the beginning of their relationship. There is no chase with an overachiever. In most cases the overachiever will set the bar too high at the start of the relationship and struggle to meet the same expectations day in and day out.
    There are many ways you can avoid this scenario though.
    We all love the unknown. I wonder what he/she is thinking. Will we have sex tonight? Is he/she really that into me? It’s these unknowns that foster an awesome relationship. And like anything else in the world, it takes work to get results, so make your significant other work for your attention, sex and surprises. Never let it become an expectation that you will have sex that night, or pay for the next meal. When that becomes the case, you have basically become a dog, with a leash, expected to come when called.
    So even though you think this guy/girl might be the one you want to hold on to for a while, resist over-indulging, resist being submissive to their wants, and resist setting the bar too high at the beginning. If you don’t resist these temptations I guarantee you will be a sad, single, broke individual. Be confident in your 5 inch dick and what it has to offer as a person, fuck your wallet.