Life Lessons

Every new mac comes with iLife ’09, a software suite for a ‘digital lifestyle’. Included in iLife is GarageBand, an amateur music creation software in which you can create your songs that will make you rich and famous (reality: horrendous and slightly plagiarizing). New to GarageBand ’09 is Artist Lessons feature, where you can buy piano or guitar lessons by famous artists, like Sting, Norah Jones and Ben Folds.

I think Apple stumbled on a potential goldmine. Famous people teaching ordinary people! In their computer! For a fee! Next logical step where Apple and co. make ton of money would be:

New to iLife ’10: “Famous” People Teaching Life Lessons

For example, you could buy life lessons from Britney Spears: how to become a successful “singer” with naturally born “techno” voice, then marry a shady man (adequate back-up dancer, horrible rapper) despite everyone in your life thinks it is a “not a good idea”, then have an expensive divorce after two years, go absolutely bonkers, lose the custody to a deadbeat dad, and make a “come-back”, all the while lip-syncing to your own songs and make a news when you cannot – in five installments!

In her clips, Brit-brit may flash you her underwear-less self, and act like nothing happened. Also, at some point her lips may be moving, but the voice is saying something different, confusing the hell out of the viewers.

Britney Spear would be perfect for Life Lessons since her former fans would have grown up in the last ten years, and it is time for them to make horrendous life decisions. And Apple could expand its market in a demographic group they call “people who should not be using a computer, much less a mac”.

Or take Lauren Conrad, from The Hills (MTV, renew The CollegeHumor Show!). She’d be, like, totally awesome for Life Lessons: how to “star” in a “unscripted” “reality show”, make a sex tape expecting nothing will come of it and make a huge fuss when it does, create drama out of nowhere, become an expert at it, associate with people who create drama out of nowhere better than you do, and “walk away” from the show expecting she would still be better than a tabloid fodder when her 15-minute is over.

In her clips, all of her conversations would look overdubbed, and the editing goes crazy and show unrelated reaction shots of the crew, leaving the viewers go WTF. Also, the clips would be peppered with Brody Jenner’s convenient, “coincidental” appearance at the studio.

…On the other thought, all lessons should have “do not try this at home” disclaimer on them. One Britney Spears and One Lauren Conrad is enough for this world.