Keys made while you wait. Though not necessarily yours.
I thought of the only good Nicolas Cage movie the other day. It’s a documentary in which Nicolas Cage is legally forbidden from making any more movies
Buddhist Suicide Note
BRB, cruel world!I saw a t-shirt that said “raaaaaawr means ‘I love you’ in dinosaur.” That can’t be right, that’s what my dinosaur said before she broke up with me.
Hay fever and disco fever are very similar. The only difference is with disco fever you’re snorting cocaine not snot.
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It’s nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ‘I wanna watch’.
Optical illusions are psychedelic drugs for pussies.
Guy who still quotes “Wayne’s World”, but is at least trying to stay topical
“I once thought I had swine flu for an entire year…turns out I was just really bored.”I’m Going to Hell
I recently attended a ceremony in honor of purple heart recipients. I saw a wheelchair-bound marine there with two stubs for legs, and I thought “How tacky, he’s wearing shorts.”A sign at the Los Angeles International Airport reads “LAX Security.” That doesn’t fill me with confidence.
If God exists, why do bad things happen to good people without me getting to watch and laugh?
Flowchart: Do You Like Me?
The True Meaning of Christmas, According to Christmas Movies
Facebook News Feed History of the World: World War I to World War II
8 Things the Internet Ruined
Amazing Dad Magic
What People Will Say They're Thankful for This Thanksgiving, And What They Actually Mean
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
