The Gospel According to Brett Easton Ellis

Long before the release of the movie The Informers based on his best-selling novel, Brett Easton Ellis has enjoyed a large fan following, and almost god-like status among some fiction fans. It should come as no surprise to these fans that he has also written a previously-unreleased Gospel of the Bible. The following are some excerpts from this just-released holy book.
 
We’re at some party in Beverly Hills and Jesus is doing that thing where he multiplies loaves and fish. No one looks too impressed. I’m looking for a cigarette but I can’t find one, so I duck into a bathroom to score some coke from Judas before going home and going to bed.
-ELLIS 3:16

Blaire tells me she’s been sleeping with Jesus, she has been ever since I went away to school at Bentley. “That’s fine, I say. “I’ve been sleeping with Him too.” We don’t talk the whole rest of the party. Later that night we do heroin together for the first time and take a nap.
-ELLIS 9:22

I’m high on barbituates and I’m having lunch with Jesus in the Farmer’s Market in Hollywood. Jesus keeps going on about how powerful his Father is. “Really? That’s neat, Jesus,” I say, and I wonder if I can duck out to do some coke with Judas before we go out drinking.
-ELLIS 2:12

“Ye, he who killeth his neighbor’s calf, shall never be welcome in my Father’s Temple,” Jesus says while we’re eating brunch at the Ivy.
-ELLIS 5:9

Jesus comes in and says there’s some crazy leper out in the alleyway and he’s going to heal him. There’s nothing on MTV so Paul and I follow Jesus into the alleyway. The leper is doing jumping jacks and his body parts keeps falling off, first his ear, then his nose, then his other ear. Jesus holds up his hands and says something about his father and heals the leper on the spot. The leper is wearing a $250 scarf from Hermes and hiking boots from Givenchy. Later we go to the movie but it is sold out. Jesus teleports us in and we get a seat right before it begins.
-ELLIS 16:65

I’m at some party on Mulholland drive and Jesus is walkig on the pool. I go in to score some coke from my dealer then drive home in my Porsche.
-ELLIS 4:20

Mark comes over. He asks me if I’m going to Jesus’ crucifixion and I say I might but I’m tired. He’s wearing $2500 Mark Lawerence sandals and a velvet blazer from Hermes. He asks me if I want to get lunch after Jesus gets crucified and I tell him I do, but I had an apple before the flaying. We agree to meet at the Polo Lounge at 2pm. I wait for 4 hours and Mark never shows.
-ELLIS 4:19