Looking back at the Obama-McCain Media Coverage.

The following is meant to be satirical. I feel no ill-will towards Barack Obama and John McCain.

Okay, anybody who followed the news media last year noticed that the news organisations were showering praise atDemocratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama. This is especially truefor far-left wing outlets like CNN and MSNBC (Don’t deny it, WolfBlitzer and Keith Olbermann!). But, isn’t there another fellow whose runningfor president?

What’s his name? I think he likes potato chips. Um…McDonald? McKenzie? Come on, somebody give me a clue!

Yes, thank you! Crinkle Cut McCain is the Republican nominee runing against Mr Obama.

Somejoking aside though, John McCain seems to have been nudged aside infavour of Barack Obama, who the liberal media seems to be portraying assome sort of messiah (although the New Yorker seems to say otherwise).Fox News however wants to keep reminding us that his middle name isHussein and are constantly confusing him with Osama. A lot of fuss was made about how he was the first minority to become presidentof the United States. Well, I don’t think the anchors have beenchecking the history books well enough. Does nobody remember RonaldReagan and John Garfield? One was an actor and the other was a cat witha love for lasagna who can easily be linked to Bill Murray much fasterthan Kevin Bacon.

Now, the biggest story regarding McCain isthat he’s old. But, really, he’s not that old. He’s only 71 after alland just last summer we saw Harrison Ford (age 66) swinging from wipesand riding on a motorcycle with Shia LaBeouf. And did you see whatMcCain did during his campaign trail? He was almost trampled by a stampede of cartonsat the supermarket.

Oh, you didn’t see that? Well, that’s becauseyou were watching Obama speaking to people in The Old World. Seriously,you were running for president of the United States!Leave the glob-trotting and world domination to Carmen Sandiago. Peoplehave been talking about John McCain mentioning a non-existant borderbetween Iraq and Pakistan (because, you know, Iran is, like, between those two countries), yet why should he bother with meaninglessgeography like that. If he decides to travel down there, let hisairplane pilot or horse-and-buggy driver figure that lot out. The manhas work to do.

And another thing about Obama’s world travels.How is he supposed to relate to the people by doing that? EveryAmerican has walked into a supermarket and browsed the cheese section(people who are lactose-intolerant don’t count as Americans, I callthem Swedes. Believe it or not, their votes aren’t counted comeNovember). Yet, who has been to Iraq, Israel and Germany all in thesame week? Only Obama. Yet, they’re giving him more attention.

Peoplesay that McCain is boring, yet he’s not the one rambling about hope andchange all the way. He spices it up a bit. Off-shore drilling, the warin Iraq…um…the Iraq-Pakistan border are all different topics he hastalken about. And where’s his satirical and controversial New Yorkercover? I’m sure he’d like to be drawn as an old, wiltering fogeyhimself, while eating butter-scotch cookies with Cindy McCain andgiving adorable, little hugs to George W Bush.

In fact, I’m sure CNN and all those other Obama-obsessed news outlets reported the running mate announcements as such (I was having a Hardly Working marathon on CollegeHumor):

“Andin today’s news, John McCain has chosen Sarah Palin as his runningmate…AND COMING UP IN A THREE-HOUR SPECIAL PROGRAM, WE REPORT ONBARACK OBAMA’S RECENT ANNOUNCEMENT OF HIS RUNNING MATE, FOLLOWED BY ANINTERVIEW WITH THE MAN ON LARRY KING LIVE AND THEN A SPECIAL THREE-HOURSEGMENT OF THE SITUATION ROOM.”

Better load up on your Starbucks, Wolfie, ‘cause you’re gonna be up all night long.