Do not panic. The rashes are normal.
“Ithaca is Gorges.” Ithaca is known for two things: bad puns, and high suicide rates. Coincidence?
Arranged Marriage
Do your parents like my parents? Check Yes or No.I love eating baby carrots because they satisfy my needs for vitamins and infanticide simultaneously.
I don’t kiss and tell, but I f*cked a girl last night. I can tell you that because I made it clear… no kissing.
It was so beautiful out this weekend, I woke up extra early on Saturday to paint my windows black.
Every camera is disposable if you’re apathetic enough.
My girlfriend claimed to have 4 orgasms last night.
I think she’s lying but I wasn’t there to confirm or deny her claim.Holidays
Does Samuel L. Jackson celebrate Motherfucker’s Day?Petition to my Uncle
I want my fucking nose back.When I’m naked in a locker room, I like to speak in a British accent. I’m trying to make people think that British people have small penises.
Last night I got screwed by some guy who sold me 30 dollars worth of what turned out to be oregano… That’s the last time I’ll go to a complete stranger to buy cocaine.
Wouldn’t it be ironic if someone drowned in Lifewater?
Drinking Games for the Mature Adult
What People Will Say They're Thankful for This Thanksgiving, And What They Actually Mean
Job Interview Dos and Don'ts
The Absolute Worst Case Scenario Handbook: Holiday Shopping Edition
The Internet Justice League
The 15 Best Christmas Movies of All Time
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
